I recently stayed at a place that had a local paper delivered every morning. I’d open the paper and see the news from the night before. It had a certain charm, and it made me stop.
The idea that the news was lagged a day was very, well, quaint. The notion that I was just receiving the information and taking it in in a delayed fashion seemed so at odds with our modern world. If this were 15 or 20 years ago, I would leisurely read the paper, browse the various topics, share the news with people throughout the day, hear their thoughts and form my own. The leisureliness of this process of distilling information and thought is so very appealing. Imagine! Time to actually think and let things unfold a bit!
Instead, today, we move in a world that wants instant reaction and opinion, often at the expense of some thoughtful inquiry. Rather than browsing disparate topics, letting something offbeat catch our attention, our information is narrowed by search topic and trends. We are addicted to devices that bring little satisfaction, but much distraction. Distracted, we can’t be in present moment. We become ghosts in our own time.
I was in the supermarket the other day and a young mother and her daughter were practically running through the to-go food section. They spoke in staccato bursts, rather loudly, as if in their own little bubble. They grabbed pre-formed packages of food and scurried to the register. I couldn’t help but think that this was life as usual in their world, not an aberration.
Watching the clouds
What ever happened to taking the time to watch the clouds go by? Seriously. No matter what your age, your mind and imagination need some free reign, to be idle, to wonder and to dream. Your iPhone can’t do this for you and chances are your social media networks actually in inhibit this type of psychological and even spiritual evolution.
Perhaps I was sensitive to this because I feel as if I’ve been tethered to my machines for the last day or two, dealing with the vagaries of Twitter rules and it’s bizarre enforcement. Apparently a sixty year old woman with cancer (me) is some sort of threat to this behemoth because they’ve ghosted me. That means, they aren’t allowing my tweets to show up in a hashtag search. I think. And who knows what else. For who knows what reason. I don’t really understand any of it. They don’t communicate with you; they just make you disappear. They “ghost” you.
I only discovered this because I wanted to look into running an ad for the free #CancerRoadTrip giveaways that we’re working on. Some of my younger, techie friends explained what was happening to me. And that I needed to grovel to Twitter and hope and pray to the Twitter gods-that-be that I would be un-ghosted.
I just don’t understand.
And of course, there is no customer service. Such a passe idea! You can appeal to a bot.
So I’ve appealed to the bots and I’ve not had a response. Nothing. Nada.
I shall appeal again after the Labor Day holiday. Surely bots work weekends! Or do they?
Without any direct contact with their own customers, even through their bots, how is it that Twitter makes these decisions that impact people’s businesses and lives? The on line thought police seem to have the mistaken notion that my get-healthy-meditate-travel-have-some-fun philosophy is threatening to the stability of their matrix.
The Matrix–great movie!– looks at mind control by creating false realities. Here is an excerpt. It’s a bit dark, but it does get the point across. (If you haven’t seen this classic film, it really is a must watch.)
“No one has ever done anything like this.”
I sense trepidation from my young techie friends that I would dare challenge the system. Be nice, the on-line guides say. Grovel, I am repeatedly told.
Really?
This is a blog about life and cancer!
This isn’t my first run in with Twitter and it probably won’t be my last. So I decided to peacefully vent a bit, here in my blog. (No digital guns–per the movie–just words. Oh my!)
Whatever happened to the ability to have some civil discourse? Whatever happened to tolerance? Who are these on line thought police that are declaring thugs in black sheets to be acceptable and 60 year old health oriented travel bloggers are not? Not to mention Google arbitrarily closing down all the accounts of a statistics professor running a charitable site promoting math education. Or Twitter suspending the account of a man that shall we say, (the bots may be listening), “ended” the life of a mosquito. Yes, a mosquito.
Really?
Really?
In the film clip below, consider substituting the logos of name-your-tech-firm for the phrase “the flag”, and try substituting Twitter for “Bob Rumsen” in this diatribe from The American President:
A note to the bots: Please note that this is a movie. (Movie: Digital rendering of scenes involving actors and storylines, used to inform, amuse and distract humans.) I am not in any way recommending anyone burn flags, logos or incite any violence!
And let us not forget Patrick McGoohan in the The Prisoner, a great, if short lived, 1960’s TV series. It’s about a spy who isn’t allowed to resign, but is instead is “ghosted”: kidnapped, and exiled into a Potemkin Village, with bizarre and arbitrary rules, that are undisclosed and enforced at will, with no reason, explanation or warning.
Here’s a link to the first episode for a bit of nostalgia. The musical theme to the series’ predecessor, Danger Man, should ring a few bells for anyone of a certain age.
Looking back is fun, but looking ahead right now is a bit disturbing. The recycling of these themes is, according to William Strauss and Neil Howe, part of the cycle of history. They tackle this topic of generational recycling of ideas and trends in their book The Fourth Turning. It’s an interesting read for the history buffs in the audience.
What each of these films (and this book) have in common is a desire for freedom and a historic (and futuristic) perspective on human political evolution and repression. It is not about political party. It’s not about personalities. But it is about freedom. Having our peaceful, non-threatening speech arbitrarily edited by Google or Twitter is just wrong. Who are these nameless people, or are they (most likely) just ghost bots?
And how’s it working out for them?
FANG Stocks
Pretty well so far, at least for the high flying “FANGs”. The financial bots seem to be tech friendly. Collusion? (Bot joke!) Although the trend line might be changing. One never knows what lies ahead.
Let’s look at Twitter who apparently is not part of this elite tech group:
Twitter stock price
Hmmm. Not so good.
I realize that I’m out of date and obviously out of cinque with this bot driven world, but some ideas have stood the test of modern time and some have not. Those that have been utter, complete, total and costly failures include attempts to limit free speech and/or to dictate societal norms. (see Nazi Germany, the former Soviet Union, The Prague Spring, Easter Europe under the “Iron Curtain” etc., etc, etc.).
Man never changes. His hubris guarantees this.
End of rant.
Please don’t see this as political. It’s not. I’m part of the “none of the above” crowd these days, but it seems like I just can’t express it. At least not on Twitter where I tweet about the travel and health and adventure of a life well lived and all sorts of apparently threatening topics.
I feel disconnected; disbelief. I am floating in a sea that I don’t recognize. There is a mental and physical heaviness, a sluggishness that dominates the day to day. An awkwardness that was never present before. I want to disconnect, not face the reality that my great legs are not so great; my waist carries too much girth; I am easily winded. I order loose clothing and I’ve had to go up a size in jeans.
Whether it’s scars from surgery, body parts that have been removed, loss of hair, weight gain or weight loss, body image is a common theme among cancer patients.
I know what to do. This is one instance where I do know the cure. I simply need to get moving again. Unlike two people currently in my network who are facing active treatment without a sure cure. Or perhaps without any cure.
For this moment, I am grateful for my relative health. I know to be here, now. Be grateful for this day, this moment in time where all is well. I also know what my body needs and I’m capable of providing it, even if I’ve shunned this effort for some time now.
How did this happen? I’m part jock (not necessarily a good one, but still…). I’ve always played sports. Squash. Tennis. Hiking. Skiing. Kayaking. And now I find myself overweight and out of shape. How did this happen to me?
Looking back three years, it was the last round of drugs and steroids that stayed my cancer but destroyed my joints. I hit my low point when I went walking one day and I was in such pain, I was afraid I wouldn’t even be able to crawl (or even roll!) back home. I finally just gave up and laid on the bed with a bag of potato chips.
This was the absolute nadir.
One: I never eat potato chips, and
Two: I always prefer moving to lying around.
A hip replacement meant rehab (yay!) but even with a serious effort in the gym on a daily basis, problems remained. The orthopod offered shots that might or might not work. Drugs to mask the pain. He shrugged. It wasn’t his mobility and quality of life that was at stake.
So I started yoga for rehab, rather than more drugs. The yoga was torture. I was tight, weak and wobbly. I was still in breath-taking pain. But I stuck with it and one year later, I had realized some significant progress. I learned stretches to keep my body more limber and twists that are nothing short of miraculous. Now I travel with yoga mat, balls, strap and blocks.
Many people haven’t heard about yoga balls. They are always on my must pack list. These dense, hard balls allow me to reach those deep muscles that hurt and cramp, and need massage to unknot. Wherever I go, my yoga balls go with me. Often, they sleep with me, to reach a sore spot in my shoulder or on my ribs.
The crux of my getting so out of shape was one simple issue: I had gotten out of the habit of being active.
Prior to this, if you had told me that activity was a habit, I simply would not have understood. Even with cancer, I was always moving, as much as I could be. I pushed myself to work out through chemo, to my enormous benefit. But this time, even I couldn’t overcome the after effects of the drugs and the not so successful surgery. The pain and disability started a downward spiral that fed on itself. I had established a new, not so good habit of inactivity.
The secret of your future is hidden in your daily routine.
– Mike Murdock
These words are true on so many levels. Our daily habits set the stage for our daily lives. Regardless of locale, we all travel with ourselves, our thoughts and our habits. I’ve been on the road over a month now, and it’s time to really take charge of my routine. Routine will transcend geography, if I can just get it in place.
Vashon Island Ferry Walk
I started a daily walk on Vashon Island. It included a fairly steep hill down to the ferry landing and back, about 3 miles altogether. Every day. Rain or shine. More or less. (I’m not a native Seattle-ite and gray drizzle does faze me.)
I recently volunteered for a golf tournament/fundraiser for Cancer Pathways and I noticed that my trusty khaki skort is getting a bit looser. I’m still over weight and out of shape, but at least its moving in the right direction.
Now, in Magnolia on the north side of Seattle, I walk every morning.
Magnolia has wonderful views of Puget sound. Directly south I can see Vashon Island where my friends are settling into their soon to be renovated house.
The Seattle Space Needle
If I head southeast, I turn the corner to see the Space Needle.
The Cascades
And to the west, lies Bainbridge Island and the Cascades. This picture was taken early one morning as the sun hit the mountains and the fog had yet to lift from the lower elevations. This is my daily route and I love every step.
This walking routine was partly propelled by a wonderful and unexpected gift: a fabulous set of walking sticks from Diana Oliver at Urban Poling. The company is based in Canada, and they are on a mission to get people moving, one step at a time. This is their vision:
“We envision a healthy future founded on prevention. We envision achieving physical and mental well-being by being active. We envision a future of feeling good, from the inside out. Now we ask you, why wait, the future begins today.”
Today indeed!
The founders, Mandy Shintani and Diana Oliver bring talent and enthusiasm to their comittment to health. Mandy has a Masters in Physical Therapy. Diane’s background is in business, sales and fitness. Together they make the perfect team. And very seriously, the perfect product.
Urban poles use 90% of your muscles, burn more calories, increase core strength and help with balance. The company warns that you should start slowly, using the sticks for just a third of your first foray. Listen to them! This is more of a workout than you may think!
I am using their Activator poles to start and I LOVE them. This is an easy way to add some tempo and pace to your walk, along with more of an all over body work out. On a psychological level, they also provide a purpose for my foray. I like the intentionality of walking with these poles. I know that I am going walking for me. It’s a gift to body and mind, just as meditation is a gift to my well being.
Walking is such a natural and marvelous exercise. You can do it anywhere and everywhere. Think seriously about adding a pair of Urban Poles to your life! A simple tool that brings with it meaningful motivation. Check them out. And thanks to Urban Poling for offering a 10% discount to my readers by using the code PWCRT.
And most of all, thank you Urban Poling for a totally serendipitous gift that is helping and motivating me to reclaim my life, one step at a time.
This infographic is compliments of LiveandDare.com
Another critical part of my routine which has slipped a bit lately is meditation. A fit mind is a fit soul.
I learned to meditate from one of the Maharishi’s students. (The Maharishi, you may recall, brought Transcendental Meditation-TM- to the west and taught the Beatles and Beach Boys the method). There is often some confusion around TM. It has no religious overtones. It is simply a technique that utilizes a mantra to keep your mind focused and not drifting. It stills “monkey mind” so you can benefit from the meditation.
The medical benefits of mediation are well documented. Harvard, Blue Cross/Blue Shield and countless others have studied the remarkable advantages of integrating a meditation habit into your life. For me, it has been life changing.
Between a healthy diet and a still mind, I face the day with greater patience and clarity. I am more grounded and less reactive. I am much more present.
I normally mediate first thing in the morning; and then mid afternoon. I’ve re-instituted the morning meditation fairly successfully. Now to schedule the afternoon session.
I am reminded of the old Zen saying:
“If you don’t have time to meditate for 15 minutes …Then you need to meditate for an hour!”
This speaks to our busy minds and our perception that busy-ness some how equates to accomplishment. Except it doesn’t. My best ideas and insights have come from being still, from meditating, rather than mindlessly doing.
Adding another 20 minute session sounds as if it should be easy, and I know the benefits are very real. So I will make it happen.
But I also need more hours in a day. When I’m traveling, in addition to exploring, filming and writing, I also need to plan ahead.
In Seattle, I’m looking at trips to Port Townsend, the Space Needle, possible a food festival, a sea based aviation festival, the Art Museum, paddling through the locks, Dragon Boat racing, several seafood restaurants, the farmers markets…the list goes on.
I also have several likely trips coming up (Vancouver; POSH; Pasadena for the NASA #GrandFinale; Sedona; Austin; Ireland; Houston to Florida via New Orleans; and finally, Cuba) and each needs reservations, research and planning so I can write, film and share.
Plus I am trying to figure out where to spend Christmas. (Suggestions and invitations welcomed!)
Overall, amidst the changing landscape and relative chaos, it’s the adventure of a lifetime. My lifetime. And I’m enormously grateful to have the interlude to simply travel and explore.
But my quality of life is diminished with my current state of unfit.
Fitness speaks to the state of my mind and body, and both are essential. If there is one thing I’ve learned in the last several years, it is how critical quality of life is. This is a lesson every cancer patient learns.
***
I don’t often write about the difficult aspect of dealing with cancer and all its after effects. I tend to gloss over them and just make things happen. People tend to think I have it all figured out. I don’t. Especially when it comes to cancer.
As I mentioned earlier, I have two friends that are on my mind just now. Both have metastatic disease, and if I’m honest, chances are neither will make it long term. I am but one blood test away from a similar fate. I need to be healthy; to live now, and to be fit for anything that may come.
Setting up a habit for health isn’t a slam dunk. Getting on a healthy diet; finding the tools for stress management; staying socially connected with supportive people and getting fit means keeping four demanding and fairly complex balls in the air at all times. Plus what works today may not work tomorrow. Keeping it all together with a changing schedule while traveling isn’t always easy. There is not an instant fix.
If I could leave you with one thought, it’s just start somewhere. Just do one little thing. Park further from the store and walk. Walk the dog, chase the cat. Then do it again. Start a new habit of movement and celebration, just for you! And give yourself a great big gold star!
* I’ve had several people ask if they could donate to CancerRoadTrip. Rather than donate, shop!
I have affiliate marketing relationships with a number of vendors. If you buy a product or service through any of the affiliate links on this site, I will get a small commission, at no extra cost to you. This helps support the blog, writing and travel of CancerRoadTrip. This never impacts my reviews of products–If I like something, I’ll say why. If I don’t I’ll detail that as well.
Plus sometimes I can offer special pricing on some items. The code for Urban Poling–PWCRT– will save you 10%. I throughly recommend these poles. If you buy some, let me know what you think.
I appreciate your following. Thank you for your support.
What is #CancerRoadTrip and how did it come to be? Read this post to get the backstory!
I have to wear my financial hat to deal with the house closing and subsequent activities; my organizational hat for packing and for planning; my social hat for dealing with all the people in life; my physical hat, which is currently unwearable since I’ve badly wrenched my back, packing for the move; my writers and interviewing hat for #AllThingsCancer; my wanderlust hat to look ahead and plan the trip from here to Vashon…the list goes on.
I wake up early, 5:00 a.m. or so usually. I love the quiet of the morning, the freshness of the air, the gradual lightening of the sky. From my bedroom, I can watch the light of the sun as it touches the summit of the Sierras, and spreads down to its base. I revel in these moments. There is still snow in the mountains, while the pale purple wisteria blooms in my backyard. Birds chip. It is a glorious way to start the day.
I take a deep breath. Twice. Three times. This has become a new way of approaching the day. I carefully get out of bed, sensing to see if my back, stiff from hours of rest and sleep, is getting better. But as soon as I am up, regardless of how I feel, the tasks begin.
Juggling various tasks requires focus, for in reality I can only do one thing at a time. I cannot write and simultaneously trouble shoot technology issues. I cannot talk to utility reps to cancel my accounts while mentally preparing questions for an interview tomorrow (with James Gordon, MD on #AllThingsCancer on his book Manifesto for a New Medicine-an amazing book and a must read for all of us. I’ll have a review on Anti-Cancer Club in a bit.). I cannot yet see my way through to the end of this task of packing and moving, without one plodding step following another.
Bureaucracy impedes my path to freedom. Trying to cancel utility service takes over half a day, and Waste Management won’t even cancel my account. The new owners must assume it! The alarm company doesn’t answer and then never calls back. AT&T dreams up every imaginable and nonsensical reason for me to keep a phone number that is used only for the alarm and fax. And I haven’t had the fortitude to deal with Charter yet. They are always a consumer nightmare.
“Life is really simple, but we insist in making it complicated.” —Confucius
But I find solace in the fact that with each utility I check off the list, I am that much closer to a cleaner, simpler path where the experiential trumps the routine and adventure takes precedence over maintenance. I personally subscribe to the Hunter S. Thompson philosophy:
“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow!”
Five days to the resumption of Wow. Five days to no mortgage, no utilities, no property taxes. No water, garbage or sewer fees. Life is getting infinitely simpler. And mobile.
Vanessa, my concert violinist-friend, has offered me a room as a base of operations. I can stash some boots and winter clothes and have a safe place to land. And stay connected to someone I want to stay connected to.
Vanessa and I are 20 some years apart in age, but we click. She is drop dead gorgeous; talented, bright and adventuresome. She once sold everything and took off on a continental concert tour. (Check out her website www.GreenDotJourney.com) She understands my decoupling from the so-called normal order of things. She too has gone rogue and is looking ahead to her next set of travels.
On the minimalist front, I still have too much. I’ve given away or sold everything from powder skis to kayaks; juicers to ice cream makers; and all sorts of furniture that I’ve hung onto for far too long, mostly out of a sense of obligation to care for it. I think the comment from The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up–if touching an item doesn’t bring joy, don’t keep it, is a good measure of a keepsake.
Many of my keepsakes bring visual joy. Art and old maps that adorned my wall; pottery/china from France and Italy decorated my tables; rugs for the floor. One of my favorite rugs is a quirky creation resulting from the Russian occupation of Afghanistan. It has images of tanks and missiles subtly woven into the design. You need to look closely to pick up on the war references, but finding them is an aha! moment in the lessons of the intersections of art and human history.
Storage for now, for all of it. I’ve done the best I can, for the moment. Another round of de-ownership will no doubt follow when I resettle again. But I have no idea when or where that may be. Right now I am simply considering my trek from here to Vashon.
When I do decide to resettle, this area will most likely be in the running. Reno/Tahoe (aka the Truckee Meadows) has some of the most perfect weather imaginable. Big blue skies, full of sun, low humidity and four seasons. It has easy access to the Bay area, to Yosemite, the desert for events like Burning Man and it’s exactly 2 hours and 20 minutes (a personal record) to the Route 12 turnoff off of Route 80 to wine country. (I’ve been known to go down to Napa for lunch and back the same day!)
When I originally moved here, I was flying, skiing, hiking, exploring–you name it. But cancer has taken it’s toll. I can’t do all the things I used to do, and with that loss, the area loses some of its allure for me.
The town itself has its pluses and minuses, like anywhere else. The upside is that Reno continues to evolve, and in a good way. There is a minor league baseball team and a new stadium; downtown is in a semi-renaissance (except for the homeless bussed in from California who take up residence along the river) and mid-town is thriving. In the summer there are endless festivals and activities, and Tahoe is half an hour up the hill. The suburbs are great, and there are many wonderful places to live.
On the food front (always important to me!), there is a lot going on for a town this size. A fair number of small restaurants that may not live up to the standards of near-by wine country, but offer good food at rational prices. Healthy fare has found its way into many establishments, and more and more area farms are connecting with local restaurants. CSAs are also readily available.
A series of farmers markets start up just after Memorial Day. My favorite is the older California Street market, where I’ve come to know the various vendors, and have found my favorites. One stand has the best peaches, except when the O’Henrys come out. Then you want to go to the stand across the way. The best, sweetest small tomatoes are at the popular stand at the end. It always has long lines. And you want to get to the strawberry stand first thing in the morning to get the golden raspberries when they are in season.
I looked Reno up on Trip Advisor the other day and all they highlighted were the casinos and their restaurants. This is not a true perspective of the town. Many people who live here never go to the casinos unless it’s for an event, a show or a concert. The real raison d’être here is the outdoors. And the local scene, however that is defined for you.
Socially, there seem to be two main groups of people: the locals and everyone else. The locals only hang with the other locals and they tend to set the tone in government and in business. Historically the area has made a living off of gambling, mining and ranching. The local university is UNR, where many of the kids go to college, just a few miles from home. This tends to perpetuate a “who were you in high school” mentality and favors who you know over “what you can do” as a criteria for measurement and advancement.
The school system is sadly abysmal. Dead last in the country. As Einstein once said (to paraphrase), “You can’t solve a problem with the same energy that caused it.” And so it goes, and no one catches on.
The very low educational standards that permeate the population and the closed intellectual and social cliques are serious drawbacks to living here. Unless, of course, you simply treat this as a home base.
Starting around 2000 when I arrived, the area started to grow. Easy living, good quality of life, low traffic, great outdoors, good proximity to many things and an easy to use airport started to attract a more cosmopolitan crowd.
The dot com boom lured newly minted millionaires of the Bay Area to the lake and to Incline Village on the north shore of Lake Tahoe (Nevada has significant tax advantages over neighboring California). The Wall Street Journal wrote that the billionaires were forcing out the millionaires. And that trend continues.
But in this eastward migration from the Bay area, California transplants rapidly discovered that it really can snow seventy feet in a season, and a secondary migration from Tahoe to southwest Reno started. And now, with the current cost of living in the Bay Area, more people and companies are starting to check out the Truckee Meadows area as an alternative lifestyle. But most of the jobs to date are construction oriented, warehousing and some engineering. A vast industrial park east of town in Patrick hosts Amazon distribution and now Tesla battery manufacturing facilities.
The people in Reno are generally nice, although I think the gambling mentality permeates the ethics of the business community where I’ve continuously encountered shady people and dealings. Ranging from finance and real estate, to the so called start up community, to the tech creeps–who were California transplants–the ethical climate, compounded by a poor educational base, leaves a lot to be desired.
In looking to relocate 20 years ago, I considered the cultural influences on the area. In my naiveté , I presumed that the Bay Area would be more of an influence. And the lure of the incredible outdoors and world class flying conditions were irresistible. I’m grateful for the opportunity to live here for these reasons, but it’s time to move on.
I don’t know how long I have until cancer care once again dominates my life. One month? One year? Two or three years if I’m lucky perhaps? (statistically unlikely that I’ll have that long, but I choose not believe in medical statistics). Whatever time I have, in relative health, I want to use it well.
In the meantime, I’m counting down to the final tasks of packing up. I am exhausted. I am considering going directly to Vashon and just chilling. A few days of walking the beach, getting fresh fish and veggies at the market, checking out the Thai restaurant my friends rave about and generally relaxing are sounding better to me than a jaunt through wine country, which I can do afterwards, if I’m so inclined. After all, been there, done that!
Looking forward to some new adventures!
What is #CancerRoadTrip and how did it come to be? Read this post to get the backstory!
What is a travel minimalist? You can only carry so much! And now that I’m in the final stages of packing, the ability to let go is flowing with more ease.
The most remarkable aspect of this is the freedom I am feeling. Here are some of the unintended consequences that are defining the start of this journey.
#1 Hasta La Vista
“Hasta la vista, baby.”
After a wet winter, cheat grass is everywhere. Dandelions are popping up in lieu of lawn. The kale in my garden is already bolting. The good neighbor fence isn’t looking so good.
I want to leave the house looking good for the new owners, but frankly, this is partly why I’m moving on. I simply don’t want to weed, cut or clip anymore. I don’t want to paint, caulk or fuss. I want to walk the beach, swim with the Galapagos turtles and enjoy the Australian Open. Hasta la vista!
#2 Say Goodby to Insurance, Utility and Property Taxes
“…but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.”
-Benjamin Franklin
Every year my taxes increase with no added benefit; utilities never seem to go down; and insurance never comes through when you need it. Remind me why I signed up for this life? Travel minimalist means less overhead gives me more time and more financial freedom.
#3 Tempus Fugit
“Seize the day, then let it go.” -Marty Rubin
Living one moment at a time brings richness to life. As I get older, time seems to move ever faster. And as I rush into the unknown, as time counts down, the precious quality of the moment becomes everything.
#4 Freedom
“Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose and commit yourself to what is best for you.”
– Paulo Coelho
Freedom comes in many forms.
There can be freedom from routine. Freedom from possessions. Freedom from dogma.
Freedom from competition was an eye opener for me. I found it fascinating that a part of me rejoiced from not being able to play competitive tennis anymore. I was actually tired of the need to compete and be measured, socially and athletically.
Both David Servan-Screiber, MD PhD and Paul Klanithi, MD commented on the painful freedom that resulted from dropping through the so called real world into cancer land. Both had to leave the social amour and status of their physician-white-coats in the waiting room, and face their diagnosis as a person and a patient, not a doctor. (See #CancerBookClub for more on this.) This unsought freedom offered both men new perspectives on their lives and on medicine.
“…through my illness, I regained a certain freedom. The obligations that had weighed me down…were swept away.” -Paul Klanithi, MD
With cancer, your standards are forced to change. The fluff falls away. What remains is so little, but so meaningful. And in this there is such great freedom.
#5 Lightness of Being
“When the heart speaks, the mind finds it indecent to object.”
-Milan Kundera
As the emotional and physical clutter falls away there is an amazing lightness of being. Soulfulness comes from the heart, and a life less cluttered lets your heart shine more.
#6 Curiosity
“Curiosity is the one thing invincible in Nature.”
– Freya Stark
Unencumbered by to do lists and tasks, my curiosity comes to the forefront, to see the world with the eyes of a beginner. With fresh eyes and an open heart, new paths lead to wonder and discovery.
#7 Presence
Simply being present is a wonderful gift:
Yesterday is history,
tomorrow is a mystery,
today is a gift ,
which is why we call it the present.
#8 Meaningful Experiences
Collect moments, not things.
Moments of emotion and memory trump material goods. I am a collector of maps and various other things. Each material object is tied to an event or an experience. Yet the experience resides in me, not in the object. With my maps and whatnot in storage, it is only the moments that stay with me that truly matter. Do the moments outnumber the things?
We live in a world where the constant barrage of media and ads scream for attention, across multiple devices, 24/7. It’s terrifyingly easy to get caught up in the staccatos of society, to let the madness of crowds sway your path. Stop and listen to your heart, to your soul. What most matters to you? What energy do you choose to collect and carry?
#9 Strength Comes In Many Forms
“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”
-Ann Landers
Leaning out my life, I no longer need to carry what does not suit me, practically and psychologically. It’s an iterative process, discovering this, letting go of that. This next phase of my life, I will be traveling lighter, and, I can only hope, perhaps wiser as I cast the past to the wind.
#10 Simplicity
“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” -Clare Boothe Luce
#11 Friends
“A journey is best measured in friends, rather than miles.” – Tim Cahill
Friends come and friends go. A few stay the course. And a few new ones walk along side, for as long as they do. One of the most interesting facets of cancer, blogging and social media is that I have formed a global network of people who “get it”. I am deeply grateful for these souls in my life. May we stay the course together.
#12 Life
“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the grave with the song still in them.”-Henry David Thoreau
We’ve all been there. The dullness of routine, of duty, of necessity kills our soul, a day at a time. Habit and expectation guide our lives.
Is this life?
We need to see our worlds differently to choose differently. Our time is limited. What do we choose?
#13 Joy
Dance Lightly With Life:
Today is your day to
dance lightly with life,
sing wild songs of adventure,
soar your spirit,
unfurl your joy.
-Jonathan Lockwood Huie
#14 Stuff
“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.”
-Michael Michalko
Do I need one more pair of shorts? More than one pair of black slacks? An extra pair of yoga pants when leggings will do? Packing forces one to pare down and reconsider what is really necessary. What brings you joy? The simplicity that results from these choices is incredibly liberating.
#15 Organization
“The way to find a needle in a haystack is to sit down.”
-Beryl Markham, West with the Night
I’ve been forced to stop and get very organized. Everything from how my power cords get stored to electronic integration between phones, watches, computers and cameras. There is no room for useless duplication. Everything must have a purpose.
#16 Possessions and Permanency
“If everything I possessed, vanished, suddenly, I’d be sorry. But I value things unpossessed. The wind, and trees, and sky and kind thoughts, much more.” -Dorothy Hartley
When I finished packing my books, I faced an empty bookcase and stacks of cardboard boxes. Are a stack of nondescript cardboard boxes the sum of my reading life? Can a dish pack of carefully collected plates share the stories of the dinners they hosted? And all the handbags and shoes in stacks of boxes. Will they even walk with me again?
It’s interesting that we have greater longevity and reach through our electronic existence than through the physical things we acquire. At some point, the possessions that have defined so much of my life will be scattered like dust in the wind. But the experiences shared in this blog might just live on.
#17 Soulful Resonance
Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.
– Joseph Campbell
Everywhere I go, I share the story of #CancerRoadTrip. And it resonates with people. Every one of us has thought of just chucking it all and walking off. Everyone of us has encountered events that set our lives on a different course. Every one of us wonders about the choices we make and the life that results. And every one of us has been touched by cancer.
Being forced to look at my own mortality; to think about what I want to do with the time I have left; being forced from my home only to find a different path–these are all choices and events that resonate with my soul. I am immensely grateful for this aspect of #CancerRoadTrip.
#Gratitude
#Soulfulness
#Kindness
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What is #CancerRoadTrip and how did it come to be? Read this post to get the backstory!
What is #CancerRoadTrip and how did it come to be? Read this post to get the backstory!
The metaphor of a road trip would seem to be that of an external quest, but not this one. I am seasoned enough to know that healing only comes through wisdom, and wisdom comes from within. From pain, from experience and from perspective.
On my last road trip in 1995, I was looking for numerous things. I was looking to run from pain; to find a geography that resonated with me; to find me. At Oshkosh, I flew an ultralight with pontoons (too much fun!) and the owner said to me of my quest: “You’re looking for your soul.” He was right.
But on this trip, I have found my soul and I want to explore it, to see what resonates at this point in time. We are all traveling the same journey in our own way. What can I share that resonates for others? Because ultimately it’s about the commonalities of our journeys, this energy of connection and understanding that allows emotional healing, and can set the path for physical and spiritual healing as well.
Back in 1995, going through the midwest, I found myself following a gleaming steel tanker.
Looking ahead, to look back
The back was a perfectly polished mirror. Whenever I looked ahead I looked back, only to see only my own reflection moving forward in this slipstream of time. There was no horizon; just a receding past before me. There was something mystical about that suspended, indeterminate moment of passing through miles and time that has stayed with me all these years.
There is a mystical aspect to healing. Part of my #CancerRoadTrip is to give healing journeys to others. I am in the early stages of putting together our first giveaway. Sedona is one of the locations I’m investigating and I had a fascinating discussion with Gregory Drambour today. Fascinating because his experiences so articulate my inclinations. Many of our observations on healing, cancer and human behavior coincide. Yet he operates in realm that I do not, where he sees patients day after day. And he has walked the walk. He has had cancer and understands the emotional territory of the disease.
Sedona, as you may know, is a fairly mystical place with a variety of energy vortexes. Vortexes are the intersections of natural electromagnetic earth energy. They’re also known as ley lines.
Ley lines can intersect in different ways, creating different types of energy vortexes. The three most common types of vortexes are magnetic, electrical and balanced vortexes. Cathedral Rock is a magnetic, or yin (female) energy. For a yang (male) energy, Bell Rock. And the airport vortex offers a balanced energy for those seeking perspective.
Or so they say. Whether you believe in energy vortices or not, Sedona holds beauty and wonder for all:
Cancer is an epidemic. One out of two of us will have a diagnosis in our lifetime. On a more cosmic level I have to ask if this is in response to the toxicity of our “modern” lives, and if so, does the opportunity to understand this disease also offer a path to understanding health, first on an individual and then a societal level? Is it possible by looking within to heal ourselves, we connect to a more global energy and wisdom?
I have been blessed to connect with many spiritual warriors in my cancer travels. Perhaps that is really what #CancerRoadTrip is about. To connect with my tribe, at this point in time. And to bring their wisdom and reflections to you.
Hope you’ll join the virtual tribe. I suspect we’re in for quite an interesting ride! Sign up for updates as they become available.
What is #CancerRoadTrip and how did it come to be? Read this post to get the backstory!
A tweet on Twitter today got me thinking: I used to be a lot of fun.
I was always serious in my own way, but I was also the one who was always curious and game to do something. Go to Napa. Seek out that new, hot restaurant. Fly. Hike. Travel. Entertain. I never wanted to sit still.
Between cancer, surgery, house floods and business betrayal, fun has simply not been part of my repertoire for the last several years.
I want to laugh and explore. I want to forget about cancer, for an hour, a day, a month. I want to feel light and full of energy. I want to feel possibility and joy back in my life!
I want to slow down enough to feel. To not think. I want to be in love with life, with MY LIFE, again.
I want to feel light. Unencumbered, yet totally connected. I want to trade the trappings of the perfect suburban life for some adventure. I want to trade home maintenance for being homeless; worry for curiosity; disaffection for connection.
“We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” -Joseph Campbell
Chanel went to her new home last weekend. It will take some time for everyone to adjust. For me, I find myself without the responsibility of another living soul for the first time in 35 years.
And much to my surprise, it is positively liberating.
Inspiration, joy & discovery through travel. Oh, did I mention with supposedly incurable cancer?
What's on your bucket list?
Thank you for stopping by!
CancerRoadTrip is about making lemonade out of lemons.
As you read my story, you may want to start at the beginning to "grok" how CancerRoadTrip came to be. You can click here to start at the end (which is actually the beginning) and read forward! The posts are chronological, with the most recent posts appearing on the front page.
So I started yoga for rehab, rather than more drugs. The yoga was torture. I was tight, weak and wobbly. I was still in breath-taking pain. But I stuck with it and one year later, I had realized some significant progress. I learned stretches to keep my body more limber and twists that are nothing short of miraculous. Now I travel with yoga mat, balls, strap and blocks.
-Jon Kabat-Zinn
to cancel my accounts while mentally preparing questions for an interview tomorrow (with James Gordon, MD on 
–if touching an item doesn’t bring joy, don’t keep it, is a good measure of a keepsake.
When I do decide to resettle, this area will most likely be in the running. Reno/Tahoe (aka the Truckee Meadows) has some of the most perfect weather imaginable. Big blue skies, full of sun, low humidity and four seasons. It has easy access to the Bay area, to Yosemite, the desert for events like Burning Man and it’s exactly 2 hours and 20 minutes (a personal record) to the Route 12 turnoff off of Route 80 to wine country. (I’ve been known to go down to Napa for lunch and back the same day!)
, would say that hurt is the teacher; wisdom is the lesson; and blessing is the release. This is truly a profound book for anyone interested in the historic and spiritual roots of healing.
