“The winding path to peace is always a worthy one regardless of how many turns it takes.”
The twists and turns of life recently have left me exhausted. I’m out of shape which makes managing everything just that bit more difficult.
I’m out of shape because the last round of chemo (and steroids) destroyed my right hip. After a not so successful hip replacement surgery nearly two years ago (I am often in daily pain), I can no longer play tennis or ski. I joke that the back of my car used to haul skis and parachutes (seriously) and other adventure paraphernalia. Now I have a yoga mat and walking sticks.
I need a vacation.
I haven’t had a real vacation since well before cancer invaded my life in 2009. I’m over due for a little R&R, some serious rest and recuperation, some fun. If I’m unencumbered by a house, possessions and family, possibilities open up.
But do I want to be #HomelessWithCancer? To put my beloved cat–my family!– in another home?
I may have no choice.
I am devastated on many levels; that’s obvious. The actions of the tech creeps have radically changed my life trajectory. But I do have a choice in how I respond to these events. Where is the opportunity in this twist of fate? Where is the upside? I have to believe that things happen for a reason and our response dictates where we go. Do we choose a path with higher energy or do we let ourselves be drawn into negative energy, situations and people?
Outwardly I know I look so together. Always sure, in control. Brave.
Inside, I wonder…
Does anyone get the pain of cancer?
Of betrayal and all its implications?
The pain of uncertainty?
The pain of loss on so many levels!
Loss of health.
Loss of perceived control and certainty.
Loss of property.
Loss of family.
Loss of energy.
Loss of future.
Loss of livelihood.
Hello!!!
Is anyone out there????
But the better question is who’s in here.
Because this person inside of me, I know, will find a way through all of this, to peace, to stillness. To the things that matter. Over the years I’ve learned that I have it in me to overcome nearly anything, and to find a positive path through most situations.
Namaste is a phrase from yoga. In Hinduism it means “I bow to the divine in you”.
Namaste to me.
Some Inspirational Reading For Tough Times:
From Amazon:
From covering the front lines of the Gulf War to investigating Colombian drug lords to living with freedom fighters in the mountains of Afghanistan, war correspondent Brad Willis was accustomed to risk. But when mortal danger came, it was from an unexpected direction.
At the pinnacle of his career, a broken back and failed surgery left Willis permanently disabled and condemned to life in a body brace. Then came a diagnosis of terminal, stage IV throat cancer.
At his 50th birthday party, friends gathered around Willis, who was crippled, almost mute, depressed, strung out on narcotic medications, and dying. Halfway through the celebration Willis realized the party’s true purpose—his friends were there to say goodbye.
Everyone knew Willis was on his way out…everyone except his 2-year-old son, who urged, “Get up, Daddy!”
His son’s words ringing in his ears, Willis chose to abandon Western medicine and embrace the most esoteric practices of Yoga to heal his body, mind, and soul—ridding himself of cancer and fully restoring his back. As a symbol of his journey, he took the spiritual name Bhava Ram, which stands for “Living from the Heart.”
Warrior Pose is an adventure chronicling some of the most momentous events of our time through a journalist’s eyes, an unforgettable story about the power of love between father and son, and a transformational journey of self-healing, inner peace, and wholeness.
From Amazon:
In his last book, ‘Get To Know: Unlocking the Essence in You’, Charles gives insight to the man he was before going through his battle with Stage IV Hodgkins Lymphoma and the man he became once on the other side. ‘Choose Your Path’ was written during the last three to four years of being in remission and is literally being published two weeks after Charles received the news that the cancer has returned. Making this title so much more compelling as Charles will once again try to grow from a life threatening challenge. During the years of medically and mentally being cancer free, Charles has climbed mountains, ran with the bulls and gotten engaged. Substantial changes in his mindset, actions and desires have taken place and Charles lays his private thoughts out for the world to see how he ended up on the path that he walks today. A path that no man has walked on before and one that no man will walk again. Charles intentionally looks for the path least taken simply to be able to share an experience and inspire someone to do the same. ‘Choose Your Path’, reminds us that all humans were born with a purpose. That feeling inside that keeps you awake at night should be acknowledge and if reasonable pursued. ‘Choose Your Path’ also reminds us to love ourselves and that trying to be the best that we can be is never a bad mission. This book serves as voice for a generation who realizes that humanity needs a philosophy of love and encouragement in order to sustain and grow. Without it the ideology of every man for himself will spread. History has told that story many times before, try this one. ‘Choose Your Path’ 2015.
From Amazon:
Diagnosed with a late-stage cancer, after years of bungled and inadequate medical attention…and then to discover that the best-practice chemotherapy is not available in your province.
After her delayed diagnosis of colorectal cancer, Robin McGee reaches out to her community using a blog entitled “Robin’s Cancer Olympics.” Often uplifting and humourous, the blog posts and responses follow her into the harsh landscape of cancer treatment, medical regulation, and provincial politics. If she and her supporters are to be successful in lobbying the government for the chemotherapy, she must overcome many formidable and frightening hurdles. And time is running out. . .
A true story, The Cancer Olympics is a suspenseful and poignant treatment of an unthinkable situation, an account of advocacy and survival that explores our deepest values regarding democracy, medicine, and friendship.
Half of the proceeds from the sale of this book go to the Canadian Cancer Society and the Colorectal Cancer Association of Canada.
Like This Post? Pin It!
If you’re interested in learning more about photography (or cooking or film or any number of topics) check out Masterclass for on-line excellence:
[et_bloom_inline optin_id=”optin_10″]
What is #CancerRoadTrip and how did it come to be? Read this post to get the backstory!
ThinkTLC (as in Think: Tender Loving Care) was a technology platform–an app, if you will–that was always meant to be the final piece of Anti-Cancer Club. It modeled and rewarded compassion behavior towards people with long term illnesses and it grew out of my own cancer experience.
Cancer is tough in many ways. For me, the social isolation that ensued was particularly difficult.
No one knew what to do or say.
One day, I was playing tennis indoors with my tennis group. That’s four indoor courts, or 16 people (this group played social doubles). I was going through chemo, and everyone knew about it.
But no one knew how to handle it.
We changed courts after each set, winners moving on. I wasn’t winning much at that time, but I was grateful to just be there.
After the first set, people gathered their tennis paraphernalia and prepared to change courts. One woman came up to me and put her hand out as if to touch me, but her hand never connected. It hovered near my arm, as if held back by a forcefield. It was as if she wanted to reach out, to touch me and say so much, but there was this profound disconnect of emotion, words and perhaps proprietary. Everyone was silent.
Then the spell was broken, the players switched courts, and tennis went on.
On the way out of the club, Sandy said to me “You have so many friends here, you know.” But I didn’t know. A few people gave me rides to chemo, but by and large, people were silent.
I ran into another tennis friend, a pediatric cardiologist who lives up the street, at Trader Joe’s one day. “I think about you every time I drive by your house,” she said. But she never called or emailed or texted.
Small kindnesses did happen. One friend cooked for me and coaxed me to eat when the chemo had totally destroyed any sense of appetite. Others gave rides. But overall, cancer was a very isolating experience for me. And I realized, it probably was for others as well. My boyfriend du jour, a very nice fellow, lacked the emotional depth to understand my experience. Rather than sit with me in chemo, he went to a nearby wine bar and said to call him when I needed a ride.
Needless to say, we parted ways not too long afterwards. He’s a good person, now married to his soul mate so it all worked out. For me, cancer had opened an emotional out pouring of pain, need and life from somewhere deep in my soul and I could not close it off. I needed to share it. I needed to connect with others that “got it”.
I’ve also felt the helplessness that results when a friend has cancer. Maggie, a friend from college, was living on St. Helena, an island off the coast of Africa where Napoleon had been exiled. Her husband, Paul, had taken on a job commitment for the country’s treasury, necessitating a stay of a few years to implement all the reforms.
One day Paul-an avid runner- doubled over in pain. At that time, there was no airport on the island. Supplies arrived every few weeks by ship. He was airlifted via military helicopter to Africa and then down to South Africa, where he was diagnosed with very advanced colon cancer. He was started on chemo immediately.
Meanwhile, back on the island, Maggie was frantic, packing up the house, trying to get to Paul. When she finally arrived in South Africa, they flew home to Australia. The call went out to their family, which was spread worldwide. Paul died some months after.
During that period, I felt stymied. How did I show I cared, that they were constantly on my mind, as they trod through cancer hell? In all honesty, I hadn’t been the best friend. Maggie was the one that always kept in touch through annual Christmas updates. I wasn’t a close family member, but I certainly wanted to show my care and support.
Over the next year or so, I designed a platform-ThinkTLC- that solved these issues. The tech creeps were to translate my vision into code.
That is an overview of ThinkTLC and ThinkTLC is important to this story. I structured the business as a social entrepreneurship company. My goal was to give back; to provide flexible employment especially for people going through cancer and other ongoing disabilities; and hopefully to spare others the intense isolation that I experienced year after year, dealing with cancer and its effect on my health and my life. And to make a living, and generate the money to cover the costs of growing and evolving Anti-Cancer Club.
I had looked forward to traveling with ThinkTLC and hopefully touching others when they most needed it. But my ability to keep funding everything was running out and I needed that platform finished on time.
Cancer is full of betrayals, big and small. Your body betrays you, your friends may fall away, your finances may fall apart.
In addition to all of the above, for me, there was also business betrayal. Which is what has led to #CancerRoadTrip.
I aligned with a technology/IP group to bring to life a revolutionary platform that models and rewards compassionate behavior. I created it, designed it and named it ThinkTLC (as in Think: Tender, Loving, Care). Think of it as Facebook for good. No sales of your data; just an ongoing flow of compassion to people when they most need it. I always envisioned it as this flow of energy around the globe that connected, touched and even healed people in need.
ThinkTLC was also a social entrepreneurship company that gave back. And it had ramifications far beyond cancer. Cancer was simply the starting point for spreading some care and compassion in the world.
But the tech creeps, as I shall anonymously call them, have refused (for months now) to respond to any emails or calls. I should have had a beta platform; instead I have nothing. As of this writing, they have refused to communicate. It would appear that they have simply stolen everything I’ve worked for over the last several years of life with cancer. Everything I’ve funded with my savings. This year I generated nearly 20 million impressions on Twitter. All this was built to help launch ThinkTLC. To help bring a bit of kindness to the world.
I finally hired a legal firm to get some answers. I am told that pursuing legal action will cost at least half a million dollars and three years of my life, with no guaranteed outcome. In addition to no product from the tech creeps, I now have a semi-gag order from my attorney.
I was counting on ThinkTLC launching this past fall and to start paying for Anti-Cancer Club (which I’ve personally funded to date) and a million other expenses, like health insurance! I spend a minimum $15,000 per year (Affordable Care Act????) just on premiums and in-network deductibles. Going out of network increases this amount to over $20,000. And that doesn’t include the rehab I need for my hip; acupuncture for pain and well being; or even an occasional massage which would be so comforting.
I can no longer fund all this and live off my savings.
Without ThinkTLC up and operating, I am going to have to sell my house.
My beautiful house. And where will I go? How am I supposed to deal with being #HomelessWithCancer? What about my beloved cat, Chanel? Where will she go? Will she be alright?
Will I be alright?
You would think someone on the board of a publicly traded company (one of the tech creeps) and his associates would have better things to do than make someone #HomelessWithCancer.
But thanks to them, that’s about to be my new status. So it’s time for a bit of R&R.
Time for a #CancerRoadTrip. Because when the going gets tough, the tough go traveling.
If you’re interested in learning more about photography (or cooking or film or any number of topics) check out Masterclass for on-line excellence:
[et_bloom_inline optin_id=”optin_10″]
What is #CancerRoadTrip and how did it come to be? Read this post to get the backstory!
Inspiration, joy & discovery through travel. Oh, did I mention with supposedly incurable cancer?
What's on your bucket list?
Thank you for stopping by!
CancerRoadTrip is about making lemonade out of lemons.
As you read my story, you may want to start at the beginning to "grok" how CancerRoadTrip came to be. You can click here to start at the end (which is actually the beginning) and read forward! The posts are chronological, with the most recent posts appearing on the front page.
From Amazon:
From Amazon:
From Amazon:
