Alas, scanxiety is a constant companion; I can never fully escape the implications of life with cancer.
Last time I saw an oncologist was in 2016 and I was incredibly sick. I was vomiting and unable to keep food down. Throw in a bit of bright red blood, crippling stomach pains, and you get the picture.
I was absolutely distraught about what was going on in my life. I was losing what I perceived to be everything: my house, my family, my livelihood. The people who worked with me lost jobs; one had to file for bankruptcy.
Yet my oncologist did not ask even a single personal question. My circumstances and concerns didn’t factor into his care. He just suggested tests and more tests; he hinted at new cancers that might be arising; he needed to rule them out with a barrage of intrusive, inhuman technology. And let’s not forget the possibility of cancer as a result of previous treatment, and a correlation between lymphoma and other types of cancer.
But it didn’t take $30,000 worth of tests or a barrage of statistical studies. I knew what was wrong. It was December 2016 and I was under massive stress.
And the stress was literally killing me.
My decision to forgo any medical advice or intervention, sell my house and simply walk away isn’t one I necessarily recommend to anyone else. But for me, it was ultimately the right one. On some intuitive level I realized I needed to find a major reset.
Finding oneself (not totally broke) but homeless with cancer is most interesting.
You don’t want to look ahead to the implications of the incomprehensible stress and what it may mean for your future health. The past is past; the dye has been cast. No one know what lies ahead.
But in the moment, you are totally free. That is the magic and
The beauty of travel.
When flight sets you free. Photo credit: Casey Horner
So it has been, month after month, for a year now.
But it is June 2018 and I have decided I need some information about my health.
That means the scanxiety returns.
Is the cancer growing again? Did the stress of everything manifest itself in my body? If so, will I opt for treatment, or not?
What is on my absolute bucket list if my time is more limited than I’d like?
Yet how can I deal with yet another doctors office, where impersonal staff that asks the same questions again and again, and care only about payment? Where cancer patients sit passively in waiting room chairs, with the grey pallor of chemo on their skin and the chemical scent of death in the air? How can I deal with yet another disconnected doctor delivering gruesome news, without any understanding or care?
I can’t.
But I decide to go on a quest for an internist because I have decided I need some data about my health. And I may have found what I am seeking.
He is youngish. Fortyish I would guess. Which is a good age for a doctor. Seasoned, but still current. And he is of a generation that has more insight into life work balance. He has opted for a practice that allows him to be with his young family.
And he has a cancer story to tell, of his father who died at 48. He watched the treatments waste his father even faster than the cancer could. And he watched his father’s wishes for some peace in his time left ignored. He has lived the emotional terrain of this disease and he understands my scanxiety.
The doctor volunteers to run a blood panel for me, allowing me to avoid the oncology office, at least for now. At this point, I can read my own blood tests, but I let him deliver the results.
And I breathe.
Not perfect, but nothing of immediate life threatening concern.
I get through all these medical situations by bravely steeling myself, and dealing with what ever comes up. I live in my mind. My mind can read cancer studies, understand statistics, and make decisions. My mind can ignore my emotions.
But as soon as I leave, I deflate like a broken balloon. The stress and the uncertainty of scanxiety always dissolves into tears. This is a cycle and a response that I know too well. But I can’t seem to break it. It is how I handle this ghoulish sequence of repeating life events.
Perhaps because of these intervals of scanxiety, I have learned to live life in between much more fully. And with heart. Because heart felt living is part of the key to living well. Our mind may influence our biology, but our heart offers access to a deep well of wisdom within us.
So it’s ok if I cry. I don’t really cry enough, everything considered. The tears are a conduit for purging the stress from my system. I want to get out of my mind and into my heart and into the present, and tears are my path. My path to my soul.
When the heart weeps for what it has lost,
the soul laughs for what it has found.
–Sufi aphorism
Photo by Casey Horner
***
In “When Breath Becomes Air” neurosurgeon Paul Kalanithi, when diagnosed with cancer, wrote of the relief of not dealing with so much competition and stress anymore. David Servan-Schreiber, MD,PhD (DSS) (diagnosed with a brain tumor) makes a similar observation. These successful, striving people were stopped in their tracks, forced to reassess their lives by a disease that would ultimately end them. DSS lived to be 50 or so. Paul died in his thirties. Faced with a dire cancer diagnosis, both faced choices about how they lived the rest of their lives. (See the CancerBookClub discussion here.)
I know how they both felt, about achievement, stress and accomplishment. And I understand how cancer can change our perspective on what creates a successful life.
How do we measure success? I look at my own attempts to navigate society’s matrix and I cringe:
In college, I spent a summer training for the squash team, to earn the number 2 place on the varsity squad (then lost it in a match played with the flu). I majored in finance at Wharton because it was the hardest thing to do. I commuted from Philadelphia to New York every day for more than a year, rising in the dark and returning home after dark, even in summer.
I worked insane hours at the behest of an incompetent boss. I outright lied about him in my exit interview to assure his ascent up the corporate ladder and my own good references. I did deals that made no sense because they were politically driven, not necessarily economically viable. I put aside nearly two decades of my life for a husband whose parting words were “I never loved you”. I gave and I gave and I gave and I came up empty again and again.
These mountains that you were carrying you were only supposed to climb
Najwa Zebian
Photo by Cyrill Hänni
I suspect that I am not alone in some of these experiences. I performed for praise and for a place at the table. Little did I know I was sitting at the wrong table.
One has to ask, what are we doing to ourselves? Why do we persist in such obviously maladaptive behavior, generation after generation? What set of standards are we seeking and setting, individually and as a society?
In my own quest for health I have come to the conclusion that our lives and this matrix we live in are far unhealthier than we even image.
Mental health is never addressed until someone blows up. Many of us live with decades of psychological pain buried, unbeknownst to ourselves, in our bodies. We act out this pain again and again, going nowhere.
Glyphosate invades our food supply. It’s in the soil in Napa. These and other chemicals and opioid drugs are found in our water.
We are social creatures, yet community is a buzz word, often far removed the reality of life where our garage and elevator doors open and close behind us, and processed food can be delivered to our door.
We are externally oriented, driven by baubles and bubbles.
We buy into society’s matrix, believing it is real, and in doing so ignore the deep reservoirs of human knowing within.
And 40% of us will get a cancer diagnosis. Not to mention a host of other diseases.
What’s wrong with this picture?
“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.”
–Buddha
Ask yourself: How do you care for yourself? Your family? Are you connected to your soul?
Ask your heart. Then be still and just listen.
Let your heart lead you to your own inner wisdom
***
Travel is the perfect metaphor for a journey within. Even if one must go down the rabbit hole of scanxiety. I suspect I will always be juggling scanxiety and my own contrary desires for ignorance and information. I think I am coming to err on the side of information once again, so I am moving towards resolution, whatever that may be, at least for the moment.
Cancer sucks. There is no debating that. It is a death of sorts. But it’s also life because there is wisdom to be found in the experience. If you could reexamine and remake your life, what would you choose?
Would it be houses and cars and clothes? Status and stuff?
Or would you choose to respect the earth and our food? Your own body and choices? Would you choose beauty? Harmony? Love?
How would those choices impact those around you?
Be the change you want to see in the world.
–Mahatma Gandhi
Change starts one person at a time. Never underestimate the impact you can have on others. Never underestimate the power of a single step.
A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.
***
Many ancient civilizations have a wisdom that we seem to have lost in the busyness of our lives. It is one of the things that fascinates me about perspectives on health and healing. What can we learn from the past to move us forward, in our world today?
“The people of this planet are forgetting how to experience outside the tyrannical habits of their minds.”
Thirty years ago I would not have understood this. I was mired in a matrix of accomplishment, status and stuff. I knew something was missing. I just didn’t know it was me.
It was flying that opened my eyes to the world because it opened the world to my soul. That ridiculously rash act of joining MASA, buying a “hot” plane and learning to fly became a pivot point in my life experience. I used to paraphrase the best selling book, All I Really Need to Know I Learned In Kindergarten, with All I Really Need to Know, I Learned Flying.
And all the lessons were there. It embodied risk and responsibility; fearlessness and trust; independence and interconnection; the power of the earth versus the ego of man; the beauty of the soul.
The experience of the earth from above, navigating by the invisible powers of the sky, is nothing short of astounding.
My soulful journey started in the sky. It was restarted with a cancer diagnosis, and now a travel quest. Because I’m always up for a bit of adventure. And in travel and in the quiet of my soul, I seem to find it.
Joan Halifax in her new book Standing At The Edge Finding Freedom Where Fear and Courage Meet talks about the fact that as humans, we are always in free fall. She writes: “It’s not like we will find some moral high ground where we are finally stable…It’s more like we are all falling above the infinite groundlessness of life, and we learn to become stable in flight…The final resting place is not the ground at all but rather the freedom that arises from knowing there will never be a ground, and yet here we are…navigating the boundless space of life”.
Wise words from a renown Buddhist monk.
The American Indians of the southwest also have a legacy and a culture of great wisdom, tied to the timeless wisdom of the earth. And so I choose to leave you with this quote from Chief Tecumseh. It’s a bit long, but worth reading:
Dream Catcher Photo Credit: PhotoDyaa Eldin
“So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none. When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision. When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way.
Sing your death song and die like a hero going home”
Scanxiety, Cancer and Reading–Three of My Favorite Soulful Books
Learning to live with the uncertainty of cancer and the certainty of scanxiety, I have tried to find some balance between stress (like my scanxiety experience above) and day to day life. Recognizing the lack of control we actually have is eye opening, and I choose to see it not as worrisome, but as opportunity. If I have NO control, what might come up? I look for the interesting and serendipitous, and it tends to take me good places.
And I read constantly. In this age of the two minute video, I make it a point to cultivate a more enduring attention span. Here are some of the books that have touched me or that travel with me. Drop me a line (twitter or email or a comment below) and share your favorites! I’m always looking for good reading.
I love this book for its depth of soul and deep wisdom.
From Amazon:
“I recommend this book highly to everyone.” –Deepak Chopra, M.D.
“Despite the awesome powers of technology, many of us still do not live very well,” says Dr. Rachel Remen. “We may need to listen to one another’s stories again.” Dr. Remen, whose unique perspective on healing comes from her background as a physician, a professor of medicine, a therapist, and a long-term survivor of chronic illness, invites us to listen from the soul.
This remarkable collection of true stories draws on the concept of “kitchen table wisdom”– the human tradition of shared experience that shows us life in all its power and mystery and reminds us that the things we cannot measure may be the things that ultimately sustain and enrich our lives.
It’s interesting that the first time I read When Breath Becomes Air, I thought, “oh no, another doctor finally discovers his mortality”. But I read it again for CancerBookClub and it is a wonderful book. I found myself deeply relating to Paul’s predicament of having his life ripped out from under him. If you read it, make note of Emma, the oncologist. Now that is a wise woman!
From Amazon:
At the age of thirty-six, on the verge of completing a decade’s worth of training as a neurosurgeon, Paul Kalanithi was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. One day he was a doctor treating the dying, and the next he was a patient struggling to live. And just like that, the future he and his wife had imagined evaporated. When Breath Becomes Air chronicles Kalanithi’s transformation from a naïve medical student “possessed,” as he wrote, “by the question of what, given that all organisms die, makes a virtuous and meaningful life” into a neurosurgeon at Stanford working in the brain, the most critical place for human identity, and finally into a patient and new father confronting his own mortality.
What makes life worth living in the face of death? What do you do when the future, no longer a ladder toward your goals in life, flattens out into a perpetual present? What does it mean to have a child, to nurture a new life as another fades away? These are some of the questions Kalanithi wrestles with in this profoundly moving, exquisitely observed memoir.
Those that follow this blog know that I’ve become an Eckhart Tolle fan. And this book can be life changing. It echoes wisdom from the past, and incorporates Tolle’s own unique insights and experiences on spirituality and mental health. Not necessarily the easiest read, but IMO a must read.
From Amazon:
To make the journey into the Now we will need to leave our analytical mind and its false created self, the ego, behind. From the very first page of Eckhart Tolle’s extraordinary book, we move rapidly into a significantly higher altitude where we breathe a lighter air. We become connected to the indestructible essence of our Being…Although the journey is challenging, Eckhart Tolle uses simple language and an easy question and answer format to guide us.
A word of mouth phenomenon since its first publication, The Power of Now is one of those rare books with the power to create an experience in readers, one that can radically change their lives for the better.
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What is #CancerRoadTrip and how did it come to be? Read this post to get the backstory!
Serendipity has played a part in the Abiquiu Art Project, located in Abiquiu, New Mexico.
Who could have predicted that five accomplished artists would have independently settled around a mesa, rather in the middle of nowhere, overlooking Plaza Blanca?
Plaza Blanca, Abiquiu NM
Never mind that Georgia O’Keeffe painted these curious rock formations decades ago; or that Shirley MacLain owns a ranch down the way. The serendipity of this cluster of talent is at the very least curious, but more likely serendipitous.
But consider the cast of characters:
The Artists of the Abiquiu Art Project Photo Credit: Abiquiu Art Project
From left to right:
Frank Shelton: Painter, Multimedia Artist, Maker of Secret Keepers.
Walter Nelson: Photographer, Painter, Adventurer. (Serious adventurer; see below!)
Doug Coffin: Of Potawatomi/Creek Heritage, Sculptor, Wine Lover.
Doug Coffin considers this cluster of talent one of those “Paris in the Forties” moments, where intense artists doing intense work have coalesced together. This wide ranging combination of talent makes up the Abiquiu Art Project. And at the heart of it all is Teresa Toole, who has organized the project which takes a look beyond traditional galleries and museums to experience art where it happens: in the artist studio. Her vision and tireless efforts are once again putting modern day Abiquiu on the map for art lovers.
Abiquiu (A-bih-kyoo) is a quiet village. The Chama river runs through it and along the river are residences, some of which are quite beautiful. And yet next door may be a run down trailer or two. The land’s habitation has been organic, and everyone shares in give and take of this New Mexico town.
The Chama River early in spring in Abiquiu
Abiquiu is best known for Georgia O’Keeffe’s house, and tours are available if booked in advance. And a new Georgia O’Keefe welcome center has recently opened. But perhaps even more interesting is the current art scene in and around this tiny village.
Coming up Route 84 from Santa Fe, one could easily speed by Abiquiu if one weren’t looking for the small town crossroad. The Aboquiu Inn and Restaurant nestles quietly alongside the highway and next door (with gas) is a regional landmark, Bodes.
Bodes is the only game in town and it carries everything from wine to worms (more or less)
As their logo says, “here a long time“. Bodes was originally established as a general store –Grants Mercantile– in 1890. Located strategically at the start of the Old Spanish Trail, it was a combination store, post office, stage coach stop and jail. In 1919, Martin Bode ought the store and the rest is history.
Bodes offers lunch, but I have to say my preference is for the Abiquiu Inn. A recent lunch of local trout, perfectly cooked and served with vegetables and masa was just lovely. The green chile stew at Bodes, not so much. But it depends on what you’re in the mood for. Some swear by Bodes. Some by the Inn. I say try both!
Here the typical tourist will usually wander north to Ghost Ranch, Georgia O’Keeffe’s ranch where she painted many of her most famous and iconic paintings. Once there you can take a tour and see pictures of Ms. O’Keeffe’s paintings side by side with the landscape she painted. But before you follow the road more traveled, consider a detour. Consider the Abiquiu Art Project.
Five artists. Five talents. Five galleries. And be sure to bring your Visa.
The Abiquiu Art Project: Walter W. Nelson
“In traveling this visual journey, I have relied on the masters, past and present, for inspiritation in light and shadow, color, texture, form and idea. I used these inspirations as a point of departure for my voyages into visual delights and mystical realms, my work striving to be present in the moment, to take the viewer “from the without to the within and back to the without again”.
Walter W. Nelson’s studio is tucked off a dirt road just behind Bodes General Store.
Walter Nelson’s Gallery on the Abiquiu Art Tour
Walter’s art credentials are impeccable. But I was most fascinated by his story and his photography.
One day, some years ago now, Walter and his friend Douglas Preston decided to trace Coronado’s explorations. Funded by a grant from the Smithsonian, these two men, a horse handler (of sorts), six horses, and a dog that later joined them, set off across a thousand miles of nearly uninhabited terrain in the American Southwest.
What resulted was a most excellent adventure chronicalled in the book Cities of Gold. If you read one adventure book this year, read this. It’s an epic thousand mile story following Coronado’s footsteps from the Mexican border in Arizona to New Mexico. The book includes photography from Walter, with the tale written by his best friend and best selling author Douglas Preston.
Walter’s photography has been part of his artistic endeavorers for decades now. His most recent book takes readers deep into the Black Place a location made famous by Georgia O’Keefe. It’s a harsh desert of two seasons-brutal heat and frigid cold.
One of the photographs from The Black Place Collection Photo Credit: Walter W. Nelson
His pictures stop you in your tracks. They are stunning; the type of detailed, composed, talented old fashioned photography that no iPhone could duplicate. And his trek to the Black Place is timeless:
“I must have seen the Black Place first driving past on a trip into the Navajo country and, having seen it, I had to go back to paint…. as you come to it over a hill, it looks like a mile of elephantsgrey hills all about the same size with almost white sand at their feet…. Such a beautiful, untouched, lonely-feeling place….” –Georgia O’Keeffe
Walter also paints, sculpts and creates stunning multi-media pieces. You can view Walter’s work on his website: WalterNelson.com.
To visit this gallery contact Teresa Toole, Abiquiu Art Project www.AbiquiuArtProject.com 505.685.0504
The Abiquiu Art Project: Debra Fritts
“Working intuitively from pounds of wet red clay, forms appear and stories develop… Each sculpture is hand built, using thick coils, and fired three to five times depending on the color and surface I am trying to achieve. I approach the color on the clay as a painter. My palette is a combination of oxides, slips, underglazes, and glazes. The form of the piece informs the type of surface treatment.”
Considerably off the beaten path is the studio of Debra Fritts and Frank Shelton (husband and wife).
A doorway set in a stone wall at the Gallery of Debra Fritts and Frank Shelton in Abiquiu
Frank describes Debra’s work as a combination of Etruscan, Early Greek and Contemporary. Her artistic vision as a figurative ceramicist is unique and complex. Layer after layer of clay, various slips and colors create an intricate sculpture.
I asked her if she’d considered bronzing any of her pieces.
She stopped.
“Yes,” she replied. “I’d have to do something with drips of paint on it or something,” she responded thoughtfully. “A lot of times I look at bronzes and I feel there isn’t an edge to it. It’s more traditional and I like a little edge in my work.”
Debra continued on the topic of bronzing. She’d played with idea of taking one piece–perhaps a raven’s head– to Shidoni in Tesuque (article to follow on this historic foundry and gallery), but the foundry closed after the economic downturn in 2008. The foundry still exists, but it has relocated to Albuquerque.
Debra’s creations are one of a kind, from (very affordable) wind chimes made of off white pottery pieces (shaped as wishbones for good luck), hung from old iron horse bits, and intermingled with antique black feathers and woven turquoise strands made from old prayer flags; to her free standing sculptures, which are just magnificent.
Close up of one of Debra Fritts’ free standing sculptures in her Abiquiu workspace
One of the things I am learning in my artistic travels is the depth of experience and expertise, often spanning decades, that is needed to produce a work of art. The piece below is still a work in progress. Debra wonders about extending the wings vs. keeping them clipped; about slips, oxides, underglazes and colorants, each of which get fired onto the sculpture; light vs. shadow on the overall piece. The decisions are seemingly endless and each has a profound implication for the final piece.
A work in progress in Debra Fritts’ Abiquiu Gallery
The firing process is done in a carefully controlled kiln environment. Debra prefers a slow firing. After weeks–or more– of work on a piece, she takes her time with this step.
And again, at this juncture, multiple decisions need to be made. At higher temperatures, the clay takes on a darker color. Higher temperatures also mean longer firings. At 1800 degrees it might take 12 hours to fire a piece; at 2400 degrees it could be 16-18 hours.
To say I’m taken with Debra’s work is an understatement. And then, I spent some time with her husband, Frank Shelton.
Visit Debra’s website to see more of her work. To visit this gallery contact Teresa Toole, Abiquiu Art Project www.AbiquiuArtProject.com 505.685.0504
The Abiquiu Art Project: Frank Shelton
“My process of working may best be described by paraphrasing a quote from the late Israeli artist, Moshe Kupferman. “…I first put in emotion and expression. Next, I cover it up. Then, I put in silence…” While, the process and product are important to me, I feel both are dead without passion. It is the passion that sustains me as an artist and human being.”
Frank Shelton is Debra Fritts’ husband, and together they share studio space at their stunning Abiquiu residence. Their public gallery is a quiet, spiritual place that they call “the chapel”.
Franks work hangs on the wall; Debra’s sculpture is free standing in the gallery called “The Chapel” in Abiquiu
While Debra’s work is very expressive, Frank’s work is minimalistic, but do not confuse minimalistic with less than thoughtful. On the contrary, the deep thought and impact of Frank’s pieces are stunning.
In his piece Order = Diversity, part of his Points of Connection series, he explores the tension between order and disorder. He starts by creating a precise grid on canvas:
The work starts with a precise grid pattern. (Frank Shelton’s Abiquiu Gallery)
And overlaying this are layer upon layer of thought and contemplation expressed in subtle color and drawing. The final painting is fascinating, as these two opposite elements create tension in a minimalist setting.
Order = Diversity in Abiquiu
On the left, one of Frank Shelton’s works; on the right, one of his Secret Keepers in his Abiquiu gallery
In addition to his painting , Frank also creates “Secret Keepers”, figures of fiber, plaster and concrete. The Secret Keepers are intriguing. I wonder if creating a Secret Keeper might be part of my healing retreats. What secret would you want kept?
The gallery and the property are both beautiful, restful places where many wonderful pieces are constantly being created. It’s well worth a trip to Abiquiu.
Click here for Frank Shelton’s website. To visit this gallery contact Teresa Toole, Abiquiu Art Project www.AbiquiuArtProject.com 505.685.0504
The Abiquiu Art Project: Doug Coffin
High atop the mesa is the gallery of Doug Coffin.
“Coffin has developed a style that suggests a fusion of the ancient totemic forms used by many Native cultures with the abstract and geometric forms of modernism, creating a visual language that relies less on a narrative storyline and more on powerful design metaphors… For me, the spiritual in artwork is essential…As an artist, I use symbols – numeric and geometric – to represent these most powerful elements of life and the universe. My art is about contrast, both in time and space. What interests me are the images that live in the mind long after the reality is gone.”
Doug Coffin Sculpture in his yard on the mesa above Plaza Blanca near Abiquiu
I find Coffin’s sculptures stunning, exotic, yet still accessible. The totem roots speak deeply to my soul, in his sculpture and his paintings. Doug is of Potawatomi/Creek heritage. He is quiet and reserved, and in many of his paintings is a bit of vibrant red, an homage to his Indian heritage.
Painting in the studio of Doug Coffin in Abiquiu
One of Doug’s current projects is a massive installation of thirty foot totem in Kansas. You can see him standing with the painted model in the poster in back:
Picture of Doug standing with his model for 30 foot totem installation I this Abiquiu gallery.
The entire gallery is just fun and fascinating. And that includes the bathroom, which is hung with floor to ceiling pictures of Doug with his Hollywood friends over the years. His wife is a well know film maker, and between them, a most eclectic clientele seems to find their way to Doug’s studio.
Dennis Hopper, among others, adorns the walls of Doug’s powder room I Abiquiu. Check behind the door for Pierce Brosnan and more!
Celebrities in Doug Coffin’s bathroom I nAbiquiu
Click here for Doug Coffin’s website. To visit this gallery contact Teresa Toole, Abiquiu Art Project www.AbiquiuArtProject.com 505.685.0504
The Abiquiu Art Project: Joseph Hall
“Aesthetically, my work often centers on abstract architecture and landscapes, and semiotics, but after coming to New Mexico five years ago, some of my work is beginning to show the influence of the desert, geology, and cultures that surround me. I am particularly interested in pushing the idea of “ring”—what a ring can be, while still being wearable. Jewelry at its best is wearable art.”
Joseph’s jewelry is exquisite. The workmanship and detail in each piece is the product of decades of practice. Joseph started designing jewelry over 40 years ago in Seattle where his client list was a who’s who of the Seattle and the technology scene. While he crafts a wide range of jewelry, rings have become his focus. He is a master craftsman, combining visual aesthetics, gems, and creativity with a highly technical background in metals.
In 1980, Joseph published one of the first papers in the United States on the coloring and use of titanium and related metals (tantalum, niobium, hafnium, etc.—the “refractory” metals) in jewelry. He has a Master of Fine Arts degree from the University of Washington. He has been a Distinguished Member of the Society of North American Goldsmiths (SNAG), and has taught and lectured at colleges and universities throughout the United States. He also has degrees in science (BS), and urban planning (MS).
Joseph is currently working on an art project considering the concept of a “hyperobject” dealing with satelight imagery in the southwestern Texas desert around the small town of Marfa.
Here are a few examples of some of his incredible creations:
Photo credit for rings: Joseph Hall
You can see more of Joseph’s creations on his website, RingworksStudio.com. To visit this gallery contact Teresa Toole, Abiquiu Art Project www.AbiquiuArtProject.com 505.685.0504
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What is #CancerRoadTrip and how did it come to be? Read this post to get the backstory!
The Vashon Island Photo Gallery is finally up and running just in time for summer vacation! If you’re heading to Puget Sound, you might like to put this quirky little island located just north of Tacoma on your list of places to visit.
The local farmers market on Vashon Island is terrific.
I have yet to write about or organize my pictures from so many places! But they’re coming shortly! And also coming shortly will be our CancerRoadTrip healing retreat giveaways. Sign up below to stay in the know on our progress. (Please know I never share or sell email or contact information. Particularly for cancer patients, I feel that this information is highly private.)
The Pacific Northwest in summer is one of the world’s best places to visit. Often sunny, but not too hot; lots of fresh produce and seafood; and beaches galore. Seattle, I do believe, has more types of berries than any place I’ve ever visited and they’re in abundance during the summer months. Do take the time to visit the farmers markets, on Vashon Island and elsewhere, and buy local!
It simply doesn’t get any better than the Pacific Northwest in the summer.
For those of you that have been following this journey, you’ll know that it was the kindness and generosity of some friends that gave me shelter from the proverbial storm. To Jim and Jen, all my thanks. Need a house sitter again this summer?
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What is #CancerRoadTrip and how did it come to be? Read this post to get the backstory!
New Mexico is home to numerous Indian tribes and keeping alive the cultural traditions of their ancestors is important. This past week I attended The Gathering of Nations in Albuquerque which drew over 3,500 Native American dancers in an extravaganza of dance, costumes and tradition.
The very name has a rhythm and melody of the ages.
In my travels, I had the honor of meeting Barbara Culbertson. Barbara has studied Ka Ta See traditions, teaching, healing and counseling for over two decades and has earned the designation of Shaman in that tradition. While studying this tradition she maintained a private practice providing massage, balancing and repairing of the energetic foundations of our bodies and somatic approaches to emotional healing.
For ten years she taught at the Duke University Diet and Fitness Center teaching Mindfulness Meditation, Life Style Change classes, and providing individual energy balancing sessions. She has a a BA in Psychology and Religion and a MA in Economics.
Ka Ta See is about realizing one’s human potential, based on ancient traditions that extend back tens of thousands of years. It’s ceremonies, spiritual practices and ways of living int the world are taught both in groups and one on one among the Ka Ta See healers; it has historically been an oral tradition passed on from generation to generation as story, ceremony and experiential learning. Until Kay Cordell Whitaker was asked to chronicle the teachings in her books.
The story of Ka Ta See coming to the U.S. is not serendipity. In the 1970s the Elders sent pairs of Shaman out into the broader world. The elders and the shaman did spirit journeys questing for information about who they would teach and how they would find the people that would carry this tradition forward in the western world. Kay Cordell Whittaker was one of these people. She is now the leading authority in the Western World of her teacher’s tribal ways.
Kay Cordell Whitaker’s introduction to the shaman healings of the Ka Ta See
Kay Cordell Whittaker was a house wife with two children and a husband. Until her life changed dramatically when she met two two elder shamans from South America, Domano and Chea Hetaka.
Her studies with Domano and Chea are chronicled in her book The Reluctant Shaman, and her subsequent writings. With her shaman guides, she is introduced to the rich history of the Ka Ta See.
From Kay Cordell Whittaker:
“Among the things Domano and Chea have taught me during my more than 13 years of apprenticeship with them is about the enormous almost unlimited potential each of us carries as a human and what little we know about it, let alone how to tap into it.
The most important thing my teachers told me I need to do to learn to know and live my potential is to free myself from the habits of my mind. As they put it:
“The people of this planet are forgetting how to experience outside the tyrannical habits of their minds.”
“It is our tradition we give to you that will lead you to break out of the habits of mind.”
Kay’s continued exploration of the Ka Ta See tradition.
Kay’s story continues in a second book, Sacred Link. The reviews of the book are stunning, as are the comments from some very prominent thought leaders:
“One of the great teachings in modern literature.” – Nancy London, co-author of Our Bodies, Ourselves
“Sacred Link sent chills up my spine —what a compelling, empowering story!” — Christine Northrup, M.D., author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom
“Sacred Link redefines the meaning of ‘spiritual sensuality’.” — John Perkins, author of Shapeshifting and Spirit of Shuar
My connection to Ka Ta See is through Barb Culbertson. I met Barb in Santa Fe and attended one of her workshops where we started to explore one’s “Song”, a Ka Ta See poetic reference to oneself. Ka Ta See–and the idea of “Song”– is about a deep knowing of one’s truth. You can’t know your song from reading about it; you can’t learn it from a video.
Learning one’s truth is experiential. Knowing your “Song”– your wholeness– comes from experiencing experiencing the intimacy and the constant flow of communication between your physical and spiritual aspects. It’s about a deep personal kindness toward’s oneself and all else, about access to knowledge, meaning and purpose, set against the ancient, mystical practices of the Ka Ta See.
Our elders always said that Humanity is now moving into the Era of the Heart. For you to know the purpose of being alive, To know the life you came here to live, And what part you came here to play, To help with that move, You need to know your heart. In Ka Ta See, this is part of what is called “Knowing your Song.”
-Kay Cordell Whitaker, author The Reluctant Shaman
The Ka Ta See people from are from South America. They have lived in this area for at least 30,000 years in a culture that is radically different from the western world.
Photo by Alan Hurt Jr. on Unsplash
There is no wifi; there is no suburbia. But there are ancient traditions of life and healing that have withstood the passage of time.
Their culture starts with an understanding of self, or Song. The word Song, as Kay Cordell Whittaker says, evokes harmonious pleasing sounds and pictures, heart felt music and harmonies, living colors, and a taste of the aliveness that permeates all existence. It is the basis of Ka Ta See thinking, feeling, health, relationships, ceremonies and spiritual practices. It is the physical and spiritual truth of their culture, on an individual and collective level.
They live the language of perception and energetic/spiritual communication
They live the language of “one” as the elders of ancient Alaskan traditions say—the language of perception and energetic/spiritual communication with all beings. Through these perceptions, they know and understand the world. The Ka Ta See people and other ancient cultures understand this way of communication as necessary for the healing of human consciousness and Earth.
“If you want to learn about this new world, if you want to quest for balance, then start by learning your Song. When we hunt our Song, we are turning our perception toward our own beingness. And the nature of our beingness is perception. It is a feeling of great affection and completeness. Of apprecitation and acceptance. And its melodies and nuances are yours alone”.
–Chea Hetaka (from The Reluctant Shaman)
Rattles are used in Ka Ta See ceremonies and healings
From their experience of self, the Ka Ta See perceive everything to be alive – the trees, the birds, the rocks, the waters, the animals, atoms and molecules. And everything has a Song, a consciousness, its own way of perceiving and its own unique action to fulfill in the cycle of life.
In this manner, according to Ka Ta See tradition, every element of our bodies (our cells, organs, nerves, muscles, blood, etc.) has an intelligent consciousness that naturally seeks balance.
Western society, however, has by and large lost its connection to the earth and its elements, and certainly many of us have lost the connection to our true selves. Conditioned by society’s must do’s, expectations and norms, we have learned to deeply discount our “Songs” from our souls.
What’s in your soul? What is your Song?
This disconnection is seen by the Ka Ta See as a spiritual imbalance that is at the root of many emotional, mental and physical health problems. In their world, their perception of what’s real is based on Song, it’s multidimensional and it explores a knowing that is ancient and beyond the experience of western culture.
The Ka Ta See Healing Tradition
The circle is a symbol of life and of balance between the male and female energies that sustain life in the Ka Ta See tradition
Healing in the Ka Ta See tradition is about balance. A disorder may be seen as a wake up call, a call to action. According to the Ka Ta See teachings, disorders resist leaving the body if the help they have to offer is ignored – they know what they have to give is an essential part of complete recovery of the body.
The healing process consists of interactions between the healer, the client, the spirit guides, and the wisdom of the body. Through this alliance, healing can occur. The healings can be done in person or at a distance.
In the West, these tribal traditions are passed on from teacher to student, individually or in groups. Ka Ta See teachings have provided a thriving environment for people, for the beings of the earth, and for the earth itself for eons. There is so much freshness in these ancient teachings, from which we can learn so much.
One of the things that resonated with me was the intense connection to the now, through one’s Song and senses. I believe that we have much to learn from other cultures, about healing and about life.
Practitioners such as Barbara Culbertson bring these healing traditions to all of us. You can contact her here if you’re interested in learning more about seeking your own inner wisdom and potential, in the Ka Ta See tradition.
Peru has intrigued me for years. The Ka Ta See live in the eastern Andes. The Inca civilization, the shaman healing traditions, and the landscape of the country all beckon me. It is definitely on the CancerRoadTrip agenda.
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Inspiration, joy & discovery through travel. Oh, did I mention with supposedly incurable cancer?
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One day, some years ago now, Walter and his friend Douglas Preston decided to trace Coronado’s explorations. Funded by a grant from the Smithsonian, these two men, a horse handler (of sorts), six horses, and a dog that later joined them, set off across a thousand miles of nearly uninhabited terrain in the American Southwest.
Kay Cordell Whittaker was a house wife with two children and a husband. Until her life changed dramatically when she met two two elder shamans from South America, Domano and Chea Hetaka.
The reviews of the book are stunning, as are the comments from some very prominent thought leaders:
