What is #CancerRoadTrip and how did it come to be? Read this post to get the backstory!
Conquering the world has nothing on conquering cancer!
For some, adventure suggests uncertainty. Insecurity.The unknown! Compared to cancer? Hah! Cancer is the ultimate unknown! Let’s compare:
Fun vs. Suck
Adventure is fun. It breathes life!
Cancer is not fun. Not at all. Not in any way. Not any day. It sucks life.
Exploring vs. Exhaustion
Travel means new things. New experiences. Energy!
Cancer means curled up in bed. Barfing. Beat.
Vista vs. Wall
Travel means new sights. Amazing vistas of new terrain.
Cancer is four walls and a bed.
Fresh Air vs. Med Air
Travel is being outdoors. Breathing life. Alive.
Cancer is hospital air. Filtered. Restricted.
Don’t wait until you have cancer to do what you want to do. Carpe diem–Seize The Day– is my official cancer battlecry.
Light vs. Dark
Travel is restorative. Light. Easy. Fun.
Cancer is heavy. Dull. Sad.
Love vs. Fear
Travel is loving life. Tasting, thinking, trying.
Cancer is about fear and loss.
Participation vs. Isolation
Travel is about new people, new cultures, new places.
Cancer is about being very, very alone.
Presence and Awareness
In spite of the ups and downs, cancer is an experience that has brought much greater compassion for others into my life; it has sent me on a quest for greater meaning; and it has caused me to cultivate the skills of presence and awareness, through meditation and yoga. I am actually grateful for these perspectives and grateful for the opportunity of #CancerRoadTrip. I may not conquer the world but I do hope to explore it.
What is #CancerRoadTrip and how did it come to be? Read this post to get the backstory!
Ok. I am confident I’ll make a safe landing. (Sort of!). Things to be done:
List House: This should be done this week. I’m waiting on an appraisal; the (minor) repairs should be done in the next several days; I need to buy a warranty that can be transferred to the new owner. I am listing on Zillow, and plan to cooperate with the local realtors. Everything that I don’t give away can go into storage. I hope one of the local wine stores will buy whatever is left of my wine cellar.
Princess Chanel: Plans are to send her to her new home next weekend. I want to spend as much time with her this week as I can. She is my only family. I will miss her, but this is a good move for her. She needs friends and more activity than I’m currently providing. And she prefers comfort over adventure.
Health on the Road: This is going to be challenging but it is an absolute priority. As part of my own anticancer lifestyle, I’m a flexitarian (mostly vegetarian with some fish and occasional chicken) who cares about the source of my food (otherwise, adventuresome and a total foodie). I don’t do fast food.
The routine I’ve set up is geared towards health. I typically have a matcha latte with almond milk (for all the health benefits of matcha) in the morning and try to get some turmeric into my diet daily. I also meditate and do some basic yoga. I think the key will be to set up a health-first schedule, and stick with it!
I also plan to try to stay somewhere with a kitchen. I love to cook and this gives me control over what goes into my body. (With cancer, you become very aware of such things!). And as a bonus, it will give me a chance to check out the local farmer’s markets.
Oncology Visits: I’ll get blood work done before I leave (please let it be ok because there’s no turning back on #CancerRoadTrip!) and I’ll talk to my oncologist about getting blood tests on the road. If I can’t, oh well. I’m sick of living in 6 month increments anyway! If I feel the tumors growing again, I’ll figure out what to do at that point.
The medical care in Reno/Tahoe is fairly middle of the road. If my cancer transforms, or comes raging back again, I will go to an area with outstanding lymphoma care and transfer my health insurance to that location. Please let me have a bit more time in remission!
I also need to take along some asthma meds. I order them through the Canadian pharmacy (for about $60 versus over $300 through my health insurance!) and they deliver anywhere. The problem will be one of timing since it can take weeks before it ships, but a post office drop box can solve that. I’ll probably need one for other mail anyway.
Camera: I think I’ve decided on a GoPro to start. I’m not an avid photographer (yet) and I think the reality of the GoPro film experience should work well for #CancerRoadTrip. Did you know that you can mount you GoPro on a drone! Too cool! Now I need to research drones!
Layered Clothing: Once I leave, I’m officially #HomelessWithCancer, so I need to have a fairly flexible wardrobe. If I go to Australia/NewZealand after Hawaii, I’ll need winter clothes. How to pack for so many eventualities? Or do I just stay in the same hemisphere for at least 6 months?
Electronics: My MacBook Air is obviously coming with me, as is my phone. I am setting up a cloud based backup for all my data. I’m going to have to look into sim cards when traveling overseas for affordable cell coverage. Do I keep my US plan? Questions abound.
Travel Purse and Computer Bag: While I have tons of handbags (part of my external obesity is I’m a bit of a leather junky), I want something with RFID protection and something sturdy. Also something that can really get knocked around a bit. I think I’ve decided on a Travelon. I’ll also need a small carryon bag where I can put my computer, camera and some basic items. My current luggage is on it’s last legs, and I want to put some serious thought into what I buy. I need as much space and organization as possible.
Vaccinations: This one makes me a bit nervous. I am very hesitant to put anything foreign in my body. Depending on the vaccination requirements and my health, this may or may not be a limiting factor. I can get vaccines done in Hawaii once I figure out my next step.
Travel Insurance: A necessity. Stay tuned as I check this out. I’ll share my findings.
Legal and Financial: In addition to settling legal matters, I need to get a privacy policy put together for the site (per the terms one of my affiliate relationships) and set up basic book keeping accounts (ugh!). I also want to coordinate my credit cards to max out my travel benefits. Once I reveled in such details. These days, after chemo et al, my mind doesn’t work in a linear fashion and I find this endlessly tedious. But when the going gets tough…I’ll figure it out.
We participate in a number of affiliate programs that pay a small commission any purchases made through the site. Your support supports #CancerRoadTrip. Thank you!
What is #CancerRoadTrip and how did it come to be? Read this post to get the backstory!
I wake up many mornings overwhelmed by everything that is going on. By Chanel’s imminent departure; by the legal situation; by the sale of my house.
Deep Breath.
And then it occurred to me. As usual, everything I needed to learn, I learned flying. (Some people learned in kindergarten; I was a slow learner.)
If I would pause and think for a moment, I would realize that this was just another landing. And I know how to land.
When I was flying, I had a landing checklist that I followed faithfully: UFFSTALL
Undercarriage (Putting the gear down is highly recommended)
Flaps (Short field? No problem. This plane has serious flaps!)
F (This F was for emphasis: You f*$%*$g stall, you die. Now onto airspeed which will prevent me from stalling on approach.)
Speed (A critical component for obvious reasons)
Trim (Make your life a bit easier)
Attitude/Altitude (This goes to overall awareness of the plane and it’s positioning in the sky and vis a vis the runway)
Look Out! (Don’t bury your head in the cockpit! Remain aware of your surroundings like the power plane on final trying to cut you off!)
Land (Self Explanatory)
Any landing you walk away from is a good one. -Pithy Pilot Sayings
Deep breath. It’s all going to work out. I just need to keep my eyes out of the cockpit, look out and land. The rest is set.
I remember landing one day. I was in my early forties at the time. I was getting the plane positioned on final at Minden, coming in nicely, even with a “bit” of crosswind. I always fly more by feel and touch than instrument, but on final I am always checking my instruments, particularly my airspeed, as the plane descends.
Landing is always a time of intense concentration. There are no go-arounds in a sailplane. I was looking out at the horizon as the runway moved ever closer. I glanced at my instruments, but my eyes wouldn’t refocus that quickly. I couldn’t read the information I needed!
No sweat. Just keep you eyes on the horizon and fly the plane.
What is #CancerRoadTrip and how did it come to be? Read this post to get the backstory!
When the going gets tough, the tough go traveling. Time for some R&R, preferably spiced with a bit of history and aviation!
I am a bit of a history buff and World War II, a war my father flew in, has always piqued my interest. My father was a navigator in B17s stationed in England. The Eighth Army Air Force had the highest casualty rate of all the service branches. As a pilot who has had the opportunity to be SCARED in the air (I once danced with a massive thunder cloud that nearly ripped my plane apart-with me in it!), I don’t know how anyone could have done what these young men did. I don’t think I could have faced my fears, my mortality, at that age and repeatedly flown into war. But they did. Day after day. Wow. I have such respect and regard for them.
Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man. Landing is the first. -Pithy Pilot Sayings
Years ago I walked into St. Paul’s cathedral in London with my father and there was a display with a book under glass. The book contained a list of men who had died. One of my father’s flight mates was on the page that just happened to be open.
My father died at 60. This year I’ll be sixty. I don’t see any pre-ordained limitations or similarities, but he died of pancreatic cancer, after a period of considerable stress. I too have been under massive stress and I need to make my health my priority.
So Hawaii ho! If I have to be #HomelessWithCancer, I’m going to have some fun!
Why Hawaii? I haven’t been there. It’s a restful, restorative place. My health has taken a horrible beating since September, and I know that I need to attend to my physical and spiritual self.
Pearl Harbor is obviously on the must see list, but the purpose of my trip is healing. I am not looking for the resort experience or for an urban challenge. I am looking to restore my creativity and outlook on life.
One of my cancer friends and fellow blogger Eileen Rosenbloom (Woman In The Hat) will be on Kauai and I want to get together with her. Stephie will be on the Big Island in May and if our stays coincide, we want to get together. I’d like to visit each island, and see what healing spaces and places each offers.
It all depends on when my house sells. And where things stand with ThinkTLC.
“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.” —Steve Maraboli
What is #CancerRoadTrip and how did it come to be? Read this post to get the backstory!
Aparigraha is the last of the five yamas of Patanjali’s Eight Limbs of Yoga. It often translates to ‘non-greed’, ‘non-possessiveness’, and ‘non-attachment’.
I am reading The Eight Limbs of Yoga, a gift from Bhava Ram. I do not think of myself as a greedy person, but the act of cleaning out my house would suggest otherwise.
I have far too many “things”. What was my intent in buying all this? Why did I hold onto it all for so long? What emotional purpose did it serve?
Bhava writes:
Consider for a moment the contents of your closets, garage and other storage areas. If you are like most of us, you will agree that you have far too much stuff. While this is not an overtly immoral or criminal act, it arises from the greed that has been imposed upon us by consumer consciousness and mass marketing. It is a form of external obesity, and just as obesity in the body causes a host of health problems, this external heaviness impacts our mental balance and well being.
I am “externally obese”.
My quest for things was a quest for beauty and perfection. I am very visual and it soothed me. It was in some ways an outward expression of what I felt within. But it was also bound in the throes of perfectionism and consumerism, a wonderful cultural means of distraction.
I’ve already sent dozens of boxes of books to the used book store. Reading has always been my favorite past time but now I keep many things electronically. I suspect I have another half dozen or so boxes that can also find their way to a new home.
I gave a beautiful set of china away. It brought me no pleasure. Some one else should enjoy it.
Similarly, my party things are finding a home with people who entertain. With cancer, so many people and activities have passed me by, that I don’t really socialize that much anymore.
I have a set of old American Heritage magazines that belonged to my father. It’s one of the only things I have from him. They look great on a book shelf, but I never read them. Ditto for my years of Map Collector, although I do occasionally enjoy revisiting those. My history and cartography books are not negotiable. They represent a combination of past and adventure that I find endlessly fascinating. Those stay, at least for now.
For many years, one of my favorite consumer pastimes was Peruvian Connection. I’m not a clothes horse, but I love the quality of the company’s alpaca and cotton; I love the arty and unusual designs. Year after year, with each catalogue, I accumulated more things. Beautiful sweaters, vests, skirts. None of it was inexpensive and I had more than any reasonable person ever needed.
As I clean out my house, I wonder what am I going to do with all this? I am externally obese and I need to shed a few pounds.
I also need to cultivate non attachment when it comes to ThinkTLC. For months I couldn’t sleep; I was unable to eat, or what I did manage to eat, came right back up; the stress made my hair fell out.
ThinkTLC was my life-force and with no response to my emails; no code or product; and a refusal to communicate in any way, the tech creeps were stealing my life force.
I have many skills for stress management after eight years of living with cancer. My normal twice daily refuge of meditation eluded me. I practiced, but I could not still my mind. My exercising had fallen off, with the pain in my hip that resulted FROM the surgery. Yes my hip was better, I could walk, but I was still in almost daily pain. The orthopod suggested a series of injections that might help. I passed and headed for the yoga studio.
Intellectually I realized that eventually, with enough money, lawyers would find a resolution to ThinkTLC which was supposed to have been lauched in September 2016. But letting go, giving up the life-force that has propelled me forward, was–and is–a lesson in non-attachment to an outcome and in non-possessiveness that cuts to the very core of my soul.
“Dare to live by letting go.” – Tom Althouse
I need to give up a life to get a life. I’ve done this before; I can do this again. But what is the cost?
What is #CancerRoadTrip and how did it come to be? Read this post to get the backstory!
Every now and then, we encounter a window in life. It won’t last forever. Do we step through, or do we let the opportunity pass us by?
One window that I allowed to pass by-and I’ve always regretted it-was when the Exxon Valdez had that horrible oil spill in Alaska. Volunteers were need to help clean up the birds and beaches. I could have gone, but I hesitated and the window closed. It’s always haunted me. I wonder if my life was meant to take a different turn had I gone.
I also had a window in my life after my divorce. At first, I stayed still. I worked and socked aside money. One day, when I found myself in bed with pneumonia, I knew another window was before me. Would I go on with a life that didn’t resonate with my soul, in a job I hated, or would I dare to do otherwise.
I dared to do otherwise and for that I’m immensely grateful.
As I contemplate events now, I see a different window, not one of my own making.
I nestle in this house, this life I’ve created, and it is so beautiful, comfortable and familiar.
I want to stay.
But I have to leave. It’s mid February and I’ve had zero information on the ThinkTLC platform since September.
I’m facing another window in my life.
“As you go the way of life, you will see a great chasm. Jump. It is not as wide as you think.” -Joseph Campbell
On a personal front, if I want to travel some more, this is the chance. I had hoped to travel with ThinkTLC, returning to my home and feline family. Adventure in a more controlled sense. But the prospect of being #HomelessWithCancer demands a new degree of boldness.
If I fast forward ahead a few years (or even months) and my cancer becomes active again, I will be facing more treatment. With an indolent lymphoma (and hopefully it stays indolent!), I should have some time before I have to make treatment decisions. But as I look at the downward spiral my health and fitness have taken over the last several years, I know that anything that lies ahead of me will also take its toll. Another round of chemo will further diminish my quality of life. If I want to do some things, the time is now. And while I would never have choreographed this set of circumstances, I can turn them into an opportunity.
This blog is helping me process the radical changes my life is about to undergo. Thank you for reading my vacillations, as I wrestle with comfort vs. adventure; trust vs. betrayal; stay vs. go. In search of some inspiration, I surfed the web this morning:
“To uncover your true potential you must first find your own limits and then you have to have the courage to blow past them.”
— Picabo Street
“The brave may not live forever, but the cautious don’t live at all.”
– Ashley L.
“The desire for safety stands against every great and noble enterprise.”
— Tacitus, Roman historian
“Come to the edge, He said. They said: We are afraid. Come to the edge, He said. They came. He pushed them, And they flew . . .”
— Guillaume Apollinaire, French poet
Inspiration, joy & discovery through travel. Oh, did I mention with supposedly incurable cancer?
What's on your bucket list?
Thank you for stopping by!
CancerRoadTrip is about making lemonade out of lemons.
As you read my story, you may want to start at the beginning to "grok" how CancerRoadTrip came to be. You can click here to start at the end (which is actually the beginning) and read forward! The posts are chronological, with the most recent posts appearing on the front page.
List House: This should be done this week. I’m waiting on an appraisal; the (minor) repairs should be done in the next several days; I need to buy a warranty that can be transferred to the new owner. I am listing on Zillow, and plan to cooperate with the local realtors. Everything that I don’t give away can go into storage. I hope one of the local wine stores will buy whatever is left of my wine cellar.
I want to spend as much time with her this week as I can. She is my only family. I will miss her, but this is a good move for her. She needs friends and more activity than I’m currently providing. And she prefers comfort over adventure.
vegetarian with some fish and occasional chicken) who cares about the source of my food (otherwise, adventuresome and a total foodie). I don’t do fast food.
GoPro to start. I’m not an avid photographer (yet) and I think the reality of the 
is obviously coming with me, as is my 
. I am setting up a cloud based backup for all my data. I’m going to have to look into sim cards when traveling overseas for affordable cell coverage. Do I keep my US plan? Questions abound.
I want something with RFID protection and something sturdy. Also something that can really get knocked around a bit. I think I’ve decided on a 
. I’ll also need a small carryon bag where I can put my computer, camera and some basic items. My current luggage is on it’s last legs, and I want to put some serious thought into what I buy. I need as much space and organization as possible.
Pearl Harbor is obviously on the must see list, but the purpose of my trip is healing. I am not looking for the resort experience or for an urban challenge. I am looking to restore my creativity and outlook on life.
