This post was originally written as I was about to take off on CancerRoadTrip. But for some reason, it didn’t come over when we redid the website in late 2018. So I thought I’d share it again. It’s interesting to see my outlook here, in June 2017, as I prepare to leave all I know behind. And then to read the adventure as it unfolds.
What is a travel minimalist? You can only carry so much! And now that I’m in the final stages of packing, the ability to let go is flowing with more ease.
The most remarkable aspect of this is the freedom I am feeling. Here are some of the unintended consequences that are defining the start of this journey.
Travel Minimalist Reason #1: Hasta La Vista
Travel Minimalist Reason #1: Hasta La Vista
“Hasta la vista, baby.”
After a wet winter, cheat grass is everywhere. Dandelions are popping up in lieu of lawn. The kale in my garden is already bolting. The good neighbor fence isn’t looking so good.
I want to leave the house looking good for the new owners, but frankly, this is partly why I’m moving on. I simply don’t want to weed, cut or clip anymore. I don’t want to paint, caulk or fuss. I want to walk the beach, swim with the Galapagos turtles and enjoy the Australian Open. Hasta la vista!
Travel Minimalist Reason #2: Say Goodby to Insurance, Utility and Property Taxes
Travel Minimalist Reason #2: Say Goodby to Insurance, Utility and Property Taxes
“…but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.”
-Benjamin Franklin
Every year my taxes increase with no added benefit; utilities never seem to go down; and insurance never comes through when you need it. Remind me why I signed up for this life? Travel minimalist means less overhead gives me more time and more financial freedom.
Travel Minimalist Reason #3: Tempus Fugit
Travel Minimalist Reason #3: Tempus Fugit
“Seize the day, then let it go.” -Marty Rubin
Living one moment at a time brings richness to life. As I get older, time seems to move ever faster. And as I rush into the unknown, as time counts down, the precious quality of the moment becomes everything.
Travel Minimalist Reason #4: Freedom
Travel Minimalist Reason #4: Freedom
“Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose and commit yourself to what is best for you.”
– Paulo Coelho
Freedom comes in many forms.
There can be freedom from routine. Freedom from possessions. Freedom from dogma.
Freedom from competition was an eye opener for me. I found it fascinating that a part of me rejoiced from not being able to play competitive tennis anymore. I was actually tired of the need to compete and be measured, socially and athletically.
Both David Servan-Screiber, MD PhD and Paul Klanithi, MD commented on the painful freedom that resulted from dropping through the so called real world into cancer land. Both had to leave the social amour and status of their physician-white-coats in the waiting room, and face their diagnosis as a person and a patient, not a doctor. (See #CancerBookClub for more on this.) This unsought freedom offered both men new perspectives on their lives and on medicine.
“…through my illness, I regained a certain freedom. The obligations that had weighed me down…were swept away.” -Paul Klanithi, MD
With cancer, your standards are forced to change. The fluff falls away. What remains is so little, but so meaningful. And in this there is such great freedom.
Travel Minimalist Reason #5: Lightness of Being
Travel Minimalist Reason #5: Lightness of Being
“When the heart speaks, the mind finds it indecent to object.”
-Milan Kundera
As the emotional and physical clutter falls away there is an amazing lightness of being. Soulfulness comes from the heart, and a life less cluttered lets your heart shine more.
Travel Minimalist Reason #6: Curiosity
Travel Minimalist Reason #6: Curiosity
“Curiosity is the one thing invincible in Nature.”
– Freya Stark
Unencumbered by to do lists and tasks, my curiosity comes to the forefront, to see the world with the eyes of a beginner. With fresh eyes and an open heart, new paths lead to wonder and discovery.
Moments of emotion and memory trump material goods. I am a collector of maps and various other things. Each material object is tied to an event or an experience. Yet the experience resides in me, not in the object. With my maps and whatnot in storage, it is only the moments that stay with me that truly matter. Do the moments outnumber the things?
We live in a world where the constant barrage of media and ads scream for attention, across multiple devices, 24/7. It’s terrifyingly easy to get caught up in the staccatos of society, to let the madness of crowds sway your path. Stop and listen to your heart, to your soul. What most matters to you? What energy do you choose to collect and carry?
Travel Minimalist Reason #9: Strength Comes In Many Forms
Travel Minimalist Reason #9: Strength Comes In Many Forms
“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”
-Ann Landers
Leaning out my life, I no longer need to carry what does not suit me, practically and psychologically. It’s an iterative process, discovering this, letting go of that. This next phase of my life, I will be traveling lighter, and, I can only hope, perhaps wiser, as I cast the past to the wind.
Travel Minimalist Reason #10: Simplicity
“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” -Clare Boothe Luce
Travel Minimalist Reason #11: Friends
Travel Minimalist Reason #11: Friends
“A journey is best measured in friends, rather than miles.” – Tim Cahill
Friends come and friends go. A few stay the course. And a few new ones walk along side, for as long as they do. One of the most interesting facets of cancer, blogging and social media is that I have formed a global network of people who “get it”. I am deeply grateful for these souls in my life. May we stay the course together.
Travel Minimalist Reason #12: Life
Travel Minimalist Reason #12: Life
“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the grave with the song still in them.”-Henry David Thoreau
We’ve all been there. The dullness of routine, of duty, of necessity kills our soul, a day at a time. Habit and expectation guide our lives.
Is this life?
We need to see our worlds differently to choose differently. Our time is limited. What do we choose?
Travel Minimalist Reason #13: Joy
Travel Minimalist Reason #13: Joy
Dance Lightly With Life:
Today is your day to
dance lightly with life,
sing wild songs of adventure,
soar your spirit,
unfurl your joy.
-Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Travel Minimalist Reason #14: Stuff
Travel Minimalist Reason #14: Stuff
“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.”
-Michael Michalko
Do I need one more pair of shorts? More than one pair of black slacks? An extra pair of yoga pants when leggings will do? Packing forces one to pare down and reconsider what is really necessary. What brings you joy? The simplicity that results from these choices is incredibly liberating.
Travel Minimalist Reason #15: Organization
Travel Minimalist Reason #15: Organization
“The way to find a needle in a haystack is to sit down.”
-Beryl Markham, West with the Night
I’ve been forced to stop and get very organized. Everything from how my power cords get stored to electronic integration between phones, watches, computers and cameras. There is no room for useless duplication. Everything must have a purpose. And the only way to do this is to slow down, and one by one, do what has to be done.
Travel Minimalist Reason #16: Possessions and Permanency
Travel Minimalist Reason #16: Possessions and Permanency
“If everything I possessed, vanished, suddenly, I’d be sorry.
But I value things unpossessed.
The wind, and trees, and sky and kind thoughts, much more.”
-Dorothy Hartley
When I finished packing my books, I faced an empty bookcase and stacks of cardboard boxes. Are a stack of nondescript cardboard boxes the sum of my reading life? Can a dish pack of carefully collected plates share the stories of the dinners they hosted? And all the handbags and shoes in stacks of boxes. Will they even walk with me again?
It’s interesting that we have greater longevity and reach through our electronic existence than through the physical things we acquire. At some point, the possessions that have defined so much of my life will be scattered like dust in the wind. But the experiences shared in this blog might just live on.
Travel Minimalist Reason #17: Soulful Resonance
ravel Minimalist Reason #17: Soulful Resonance
Find a place inside where there’s joy,
and the joy will burn out the pain.
– Joseph Campbell
Everywhere I go, I share the story of #CancerRoadTrip. And it resonates with people. Every one of us has thought of just chucking it all and walking off. Everyone of us has encountered events that set our lives on a different course. Every one of us wonders about the choices we make and the life that results. And every one of us has been touched by cancer.
Being forced to look at my own mortality; to think about what I want to do with the time I have left; being forced from my home only to find a different path–these are all choices and events that resonate with my soul. I am immensely grateful for this aspect of #CancerRoadTrip.
A cancer diagnosis takes many of us on a road trip into our own souls, to discover meaning, perspective and perhaps a new path for our life. My discussion with Wendy ranged over so many topics, that rather than try to segment each one in a short video, I decided to simply share the entire discussion.
Wendy Wagner, PhD: A Road Trip Into The Psyche, Part 2
“Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable.
Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart.
But that’s okay.
The journey changes you; it should change you.
It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness,
on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you.
If you’re interested in learning more about photography (or cooking or film or any number of topics) check out MasterClass All-Access Pass for on-line excellence:
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What is #CancerRoadTrip and how did it come to be? Read this post to get the backstory!
I often refer to the collection of ideas, thoughts, values and perspectives as our Matrix. We each have one that is influenced by our past and our future; by our culture and habits; by our conscious and subconscious.
Our Matrix is not set in stone. Rather, it’s whatever we choose, consciously or not.
I have been on many sides of my own Matrix. Life wish, death wish. Deep disappointment. Joy. Pessimism. Accomplishment. Defeat.
But over the years I’ve found a steadier balance, one of deep connection, care and optimism.
The Matrix is a new section of the blog. I’ll be featuring different people and thoughts on a wide range of topics, all looking at how we construct our Matrix.
My motivation for doing this is cancer (obviously).
I have come to believe strongly that we–as individuals and as a society–are mired in a Matrix that just isn’t working. Forty percent of us (according to the American Cancer Society) will have a cancer diagnosis in our lifetime.
This isn’t just a series of diseases; this is an epidemic. For numbers like this to exist, I have to believe:
There’s something seriously wrong with our Matrix.
Our food, our water, and our air are part of an environmental Matrix. But so are our choices and our thoughts.
Dean Ornish, M.D. (and many others) have shown that we have control of our health destiny through our genetic expression. Genetic expression, in turn, is partly a function of our daily habits and choices.
And our outlook. Because our brain impacts our biology.
The Matrix will explore people, thoughts and ideas on how we might construct better health and well being. And anything is game!
So I hope you’ll stay tuned as this new section of the blog is developed.
What’s in Your Matrix?
What’s in your matrix?
For many years I had a material matrix. I wanted a nice house, a home base. I finally had one only when I divorced. And I filled it with beautiful things and the stuff of adventure. A kayak to explore; old maps that traced how our world view changed over time; books to follow the tales of others. It was a combination of physical, intellectual and tangible exploration.
Relationships, jobs, schools…they are all part of our matrix.
I’ve had various relational matrixes as part of my life. I went to such and such a school; I married so and so; I lived here or there. I know so and so. Dog owner, cat owner, employer, employee. We all know how that goes.
But my favorite matrixes have been the experiential. Because experience is exquisitely present moment and therefore boundless.
I love the experience of a new place, full of possibility and surprise.
“Travel is about the gorgeous feeling of teetering in the unknown.”
–Anthony Bourdain
And in the unknown is a bit of adventure.
If you could consciously construct your Matrix, what would you choose? Would you be willing to go on an adventure, to let go of the old and familiar, to build a new path forward?
Is your Matrix material, relational, experiential, spiritual? Or perhaps a bit of each?
Ultimately, our Matrix is whatever we want it to be.
And that’s where healing travel comes in,
to help us shake up our lives and reconsider our Matrix.
Because…
Travel surprises.
Travel challenges.
And travel can heal.
It heals by forcing us to look at ourselves and at our world anew.
“Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable.
Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart.
But that’s okay.
The journey changes you; it should change you.
It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness,
on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you.
If you’re interested in learning more about photography (or cooking or film or any number of topics) check out MasterClass All-Access Pass for on-line excellence:
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What is #CancerRoadTrip and how did it come to be? Read this post to get the backstory!
Stocking stuffers have always been one of my favorite parts of the holiday celebration. Great things can come in small packages, and the thought and ingenuity to make that happen have always been great fun for me.
For my holiday celebration, a new website! I want to profoundly thank everyone who helped with this. The Guides whose generosity and patience are moving CancerRoadTrip forward. And the very talented Josh Woodroffe whose combination of design and tech savvy have made this possible. Not to mention his patience!
Namaste to all.
Stocking Stuffers for Soulful Travelers
While many people are dashing about this time of year, shopping, planning and partying, I tend to be a bit more still. There are a number of social events I’ll attend, but I usually use this time of year to reflect and to plan my travels for the New Year.
In my travels, I look for life’s lessons and wisdom. The gifts I’ve selected are the perfect travel gifts for life’s journeys; they take no space and create no weight; they are of daily use.
“The subconscious mind cannot tell the difference between dreams and reality. Visualize your dreams.”
It’s a distillation of the wisdom across many disciplines. I find myself smiling, nodding and simply loving this book. What it doesn’t have in length, it has in wisdom. For anyone who sees life as a road trip, and a spiritual one at that, I thoroughly recommend having this book along for the adventure.
A classic that must be read is Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist. If you haven’t read this, you need to. This book is about the heart and soul of travel and dreams. While Paulo Coelho is known to many, I have to admit he is relatively new to me. My first introduction actually came through a quote on Twitter:
“If you think adventure is dangerous, try routine. It is lethal.”
This has since become one of my all time favorite quotes. The Alchemist is a favorite book in the history of literature. Make it one of yours as well.
The City and The Stars by Arthur C. Clarke is a bit obscure. It was written in the fifties and is perhaps more relevant today than ever. For years this has been my favorite book of all time, and it remains in my top 10. It is prescient. It talks about the homogenization of humanity through technology; about soul; and about adventure. If you’re looking for a good read, this is it. The perfect stocking stuffer: a tale of adventure and humanity, written in the past, about the future.
I am perhaps a broken record when it comes to my admiration for the books of Eckhardt Tolle, but The Power Of Now is truly a significant book. Through his own hardships, Tolle comes to see the magic and power of the present moment and how present moment living cures so many ills. Learning to be present, through mediation and discipline, has changed my life. May this stocking influence yours as well.
I first read Hermann Hesse’s Siddhartha as a young person, and I’ve returned to it several times since. It’s a story, a metaphor and an adventure about materialism, spirituality and finding oneself. May this book find itself into your stocking.
Rachel Naomi Remen’s Kitchen Table Wisdom: Stories That Heal is another book to take along as you tackle life’s journeys. She has a humble wisdom that connects with the soul. Through her stories, your soul will connect too.
Travel can be in your head and in your world. May your holiday season find a bit of room for both.
Stocking Stuffers From The Road: More Reading On Life’s Adventures
If you’re interested in learning more about photography (or cooking or film or any number of topics) check out MasterClass All-Access Pass for on-line excellence:
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What is #CancerRoadTrip and how did it come to be? Read this post to get the backstory!
Thanksgiving is a holiday associated with gratitude, but I would suggest that giving thanks should become a daily routine.
Gratitude first became a part of my life twenty some years ago. I’d just moved from New Orleans to Pennsylvania with my ex-husband who promptly decided his life was not with me. There’s much more to the story (lawsuits from patients, a pregnant nurse, an elderly, dying dog and more) but it’s really irrelevant.
What is relevant is that I discovered gratitude.
I’d wake up every morning and find something, anything to be grateful for. And somehow this focus helped to pull me through some truly difficult times.
And now, with cancer, gratitude is so important. It reminds me to bring joy into my daily life. I’ve left behind most of the material aspects of my former world and I focus on what resonates with my heart. I’ve gotten better about identifying similar souls, similar travelers, and these are the people I want to explore with.
They are explorers of experience.
Of the soul.
And of gratitude.
This past week at Bosque del Apache I enjoyed a connection to the patterns of the natural world. Bosque is a wilderness habitat for migrating birds, and thousands of them appear each year, to pause in their travels to warmer weather. With the seasons, they move in the pattern of their ancestors, answering some deep primal call for survival.
Or perhaps they too simply enjoy a change of pace and a bit of adventure!
Whatever the motivation, that connection to the earth and her rhythms offers a soulful feeling of gratitude.
Gratitude for a warm shelter from the coming winter.
Gratitude for food.
Gratitude for others.
My gratitude list, which I visit first thing each morning before I meditate, need not be long. Somedays it’s simply a recognition of a beautiful sunrise.
Others it may be gratitude for the excitement of building CancerRoadTrip.
Gratitude for the New Mexico Women in Film who have provided a network into a most interesting group of people. Gratitude for the quirkiness of New Mexico where leading scientists and world class artists come together in creativity. The list goes on.
So this Thanksgiving I hope you find the time to pause and be grateful. Who knows, it could turn into a habit!
If you’re interested in learning more about photography (or cooking or film or any number of topics) check out MasterClass All-Access Pass for on-line excellence:
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What is #CancerRoadTrip and how did it come to be? Read this post to get the backstory!
Traveling with cancer presents its challenges but on this day, I tried to see the opportunity. It was Day One of CancerRoadTrip, one year ago.
My first stop was in Sonoma, one of those places I’ve enjoyed for more than 20 years. The rolling hills, the ocean, the lines of grapes wandering over the hillsides all come together to create a small piece of heaven on earth. And don’t forget the oysters and wine!
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Traveling With Cancer: Day One in Sonoma
These pictures are from my first day out on Cancer Road Trip, just about one year ago. My car was packed for four seasons. Winter boots were stashed in the Thule carrier on the car’s roof. Summer clothes in a bag in the back.
I didn’t know how to use my camera yet. I hadn’t had time to consider all the dials, settings and possibilities. It was, for the moment, a task not a companion.
Between cancer and business, fair weather friends were long gone and I found myself traveling with the words of Eric Clapton:
Once I lived the life of a millionaire
Spent all my money, didn’t have any care
Took all my friends out for a mighty good time
Bought bootleg liquor, champagne and wine
Then I began to fall so low
Lost all my good friends, had nowhere to go
I get my hands on a dollar again
I’ll hang on to it till that old eagle grins
‘Cause nobody knows you
When you’re down and out
In your pocket, not one penny
And as for friends, you don’t have many
When you get back on your feet again
Everybody wants to be your long-lost friend
I said it’s strange, without any doubt
Nobody knows you when you’re down and out
Perhaps being down and out had its positive side. I could move along, beholding to no one. I stopped at Cornerstone Garden to stretch my back; I had a bowl of wonderful mussels in Sonoma for lunch.
Artefact, an architectural salvage place in Cornerstone Gardens that I loved to frequent. It was here that I found that perfectly funky piece of teak root that doubled as a piece of natural art for my backyard. This of course required two round trips, one to buy the piece and another to transport it!
Lunch!
Day One of traveling with cancer was one of adventure, possibility and sadness.
I was still in that in between land of attachment to the events and possessions versus the freedom of the road. Over time, less would become more and the adventure would overshadow the past.
But on Day One of my road trip, nothing was clear. Other than heading to Vashon Island to regroup, I had no idea where I was going to go or what I was going to do. I’d ruled out a lawsuit based on cost and stress. Half a million dollars for lawyers just wasn’t in my budget. Nor was wasting three years of my life on a group of grifters.
It was once again time to start over again.
My travels through Sonoma covered familiar territory. It was wistful and a process of relinquishing all that had been. As I drove through winding roads and vineyards, I remembered driving similar passages with Whiskey Oscar in tow. I remembered parties at vineyards and weekends with friends.
A stop at Chalk Hill reminded me of wine dinners and good times. The glass structure to the left of the indoor riding rink housed a French limestone fireplace and opened to a patio overlooking the vineyards.
I remembered being without cancer.
And I remember an unforgettable night, in Sonoma, when I received a message that they had misdiagnosed my cancer.
After months of research, I had applied for a clinical trial at Stanford. It was a vaccine trial, where an individualized vaccine was created and placed into your body. The research made sense to me; it wasn’t chemo; I wanted to try it as a first line offense.
I was sitting at a table at a lovely event in Sonoma, enjoying great food and wine. A phone call came in, but I was too slow to pick up. Instead, I retrieved the message:
Stanford rejected you.
Their biopsy results show you have a different type of cancer.
Call the office on Monday.
I just stared at my phone. A deep, dark pit of doubt and fear opened and threatened to engulf me. It would be a feeling I’d become familiar with as I navigated life with cancer.
The rejection of the clinical trail was devastating. I’d carefully constructed a safety net of data and information to guide me through what lay ahead. I’d researched clinical trials; talked to researchers and doctors; made what I thought was an informed decision.
And it was all for nought.
I was back at the beginning again with no knowledge, no plan, and perhaps no future.
I went through the rest of the three day weekend smiling, chatting, eating and drinking. But it was an out of body experience as the months of research, hope and effort went down the drain. And I still didn’t know what the diagnosis would be on Monday.
As I drive through Sonoma I think about all of this. I think about the comfort that my wonderful bedroom and the wind chimes just outside the window gave me through the various rounds of chemo. I think that it is all gone and I don’t know what to do.
Difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations.
Other than just go forward.
In those early days of travel, I was living on an edge of an abyss. Above was life. Below– I didn’t know and I didn’t want to look too closely. I was sure the stress would manifest itself in a re-emergence of cancer, just as it had before.
After the Rituxan (my personal drug from hell and my first unsuccessful offense against the cancer), the 6 infusions of RCVP (a chemo cocktail used to treat non-Hodgkins lymphoma) every three weeks bought me some time.
But the cancer soon came raging back. A tumor wrapped around my aorta was a source of concern. Another at the base of my skull. And tumors too numerous to count throughout my body.
And now, on the road, traveling with cancer, and quite homeless for the moment, I just didn’t want to go there again, yet I was sure that was where I was heading.
When you can’t change the direction the wind, adjust your sails.
–H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
So I battened down the hatches and I drove.
Driving, for me, is simultaneously an act of engagement and disengagement. I drive. The terrain in Sonoma is such that one wears the road, particularly driving a manual transmission. I concentrated on what was immediately ahead. And I entered that wonderful space of now, where nothing exists except the moment.
So started CancerRoadTrip.
Oysters and Wine
Oysters and wine. Trepidation and joy. Not necessarily in that order. A walk on the coast; a visit to beautiful gardens. And a winding road into the country towards an unknown destination.
I find solace and wisdom in metaphor. And on Day One of CancerRoadTrip, traveling with cancer, disappointment and doubt, I definitely needed some solace.
One’s destination is never a place but a new way of seeing things. –Henry Miller
Traveling With Cancer: From chaos comes order, in time.
Life isn’t always easy. There are times when all we know is shattered and unrecognizable and the only option is to somehow move ahead. I’m grateful I was able to trust in the journey, although I had many doubts along the way. But it is paying off, in new places, new experiences and in new perspectives.
And goodness knows I always love a bit of adventure!
My wind chimes may be packed away; my possessions in boxes; but traveling with cancer I find comfort in the words of my ancestors:
May the road rise to meet you. May the wind always be at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face. May the rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again may the Lord hold you in the palm of His hand.
If you’re interested in learning more about photography (or cooking or film or any number of topics) check out MasterClass All-Access Pass for on-line excellence:
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What is #CancerRoadTrip and how did it come to be? Read this post to get the backstory!
Inspiration, joy & discovery through travel. Oh, did I mention with supposedly incurable cancer?
What's on your bucket list?
Thank you for stopping by!
CancerRoadTrip is about making lemonade out of lemons.
As you read my story, you may want to start at the beginning to "grok" how CancerRoadTrip came to be. You can click here to start at the end (which is actually the beginning) and read forward! The posts are chronological, with the most recent posts appearing on the front page.
