Alas, scanxiety is a constant companion; I can never fully escape the implications of life with cancer.
Last time I saw an oncologist was in 2016 and I was incredibly sick. I was vomiting and unable to keep food down. Throw in a bit of bright red blood, crippling stomach pains, and you get the picture.
I was absolutely distraught about what was going on in my life. I was losing what I perceived to be everything: my house, my family, my livelihood. The people who worked with me lost jobs; one had to file for bankruptcy.
Yet my oncologist did not ask even a single personal question. My circumstances and concerns didn’t factor into his care. He just suggested tests and more tests; he hinted at new cancers that might be arising; he needed to rule them out with a barrage of intrusive, inhuman technology. And let’s not forget the possibility of cancer as a result of previous treatment, and a correlation between lymphoma and other types of cancer.
But it didn’t take $30,000 worth of tests or a barrage of statistical studies. I knew what was wrong. It was December 2016 and I was under massive stress.
And the stress was literally killing me.
My decision to forgo any medical advice or intervention, sell my house and simply walk away isn’t one I necessarily recommend to anyone else. But for me, it was ultimately the right one. On some intuitive level I realized I needed to find a major reset.
Finding oneself (not totally broke) but homeless with cancer is most interesting.
You don’t want to look ahead to the implications of the incomprehensible stress and what it may mean for your future health. The past is past; the dye has been cast. No one know what lies ahead.
But in the moment, you are totally free. That is the magic and
The beauty of travel.
When flight sets you free. Photo credit: Casey Horner
So it has been, month after month, for a year now.
But it is June 2018 and I have decided I need some information about my health.
That means the scanxiety returns.
Is the cancer growing again? Did the stress of everything manifest itself in my body? If so, will I opt for treatment, or not?
What is on my absolute bucket list if my time is more limited than I’d like?
Yet how can I deal with yet another doctors office, where impersonal staff that asks the same questions again and again, and care only about payment? Where cancer patients sit passively in waiting room chairs, with the grey pallor of chemo on their skin and the chemical scent of death in the air? How can I deal with yet another disconnected doctor delivering gruesome news, without any understanding or care?
I can’t.
But I decide to go on a quest for an internist because I have decided I need some data about my health. And I may have found what I am seeking.
He is youngish. Fortyish I would guess. Which is a good age for a doctor. Seasoned, but still current. And he is of a generation that has more insight into life work balance. He has opted for a practice that allows him to be with his young family.
And he has a cancer story to tell, of his father who died at 48. He watched the treatments waste his father even faster than the cancer could. And he watched his father’s wishes for some peace in his time left ignored. He has lived the emotional terrain of this disease and he understands my scanxiety.
The doctor volunteers to run a blood panel for me, allowing me to avoid the oncology office, at least for now. At this point, I can read my own blood tests, but I let him deliver the results.
And I breathe.
Not perfect, but nothing of immediate life threatening concern.
I get through all these medical situations by bravely steeling myself, and dealing with what ever comes up. I live in my mind. My mind can read cancer studies, understand statistics, and make decisions. My mind can ignore my emotions.
But as soon as I leave, I deflate like a broken balloon. The stress and the uncertainty of scanxiety always dissolves into tears. This is a cycle and a response that I know too well. But I can’t seem to break it. It is how I handle this ghoulish sequence of repeating life events.
Perhaps because of these intervals of scanxiety, I have learned to live life in between much more fully. And with heart. Because heart felt living is part of the key to living well. Our mind may influence our biology, but our heart offers access to a deep well of wisdom within us.
So it’s ok if I cry. I don’t really cry enough, everything considered. The tears are a conduit for purging the stress from my system. I want to get out of my mind and into my heart and into the present, and tears are my path. My path to my soul.
When the heart weeps for what it has lost,
the soul laughs for what it has found.
–Sufi aphorism
Photo by Casey Horner
***
In “When Breath Becomes Air” neurosurgeon Paul Kalanithi, when diagnosed with cancer, wrote of the relief of not dealing with so much competition and stress anymore. David Servan-Schreiber, MD,PhD (DSS) (diagnosed with a brain tumor) makes a similar observation. These successful, striving people were stopped in their tracks, forced to reassess their lives by a disease that would ultimately end them. DSS lived to be 50 or so. Paul died in his thirties. Faced with a dire cancer diagnosis, both faced choices about how they lived the rest of their lives. (See the CancerBookClub discussion here.)
I know how they both felt, about achievement, stress and accomplishment. And I understand how cancer can change our perspective on what creates a successful life.
How do we measure success? I look at my own attempts to navigate society’s matrix and I cringe:
In college, I spent a summer training for the squash team, to earn the number 2 place on the varsity squad (then lost it in a match played with the flu). I majored in finance at Wharton because it was the hardest thing to do. I commuted from Philadelphia to New York every day for more than a year, rising in the dark and returning home after dark, even in summer.
I worked insane hours at the behest of an incompetent boss. I outright lied about him in my exit interview to assure his ascent up the corporate ladder and my own good references. I did deals that made no sense because they were politically driven, not necessarily economically viable. I put aside nearly two decades of my life for a husband whose parting words were “I never loved you”. I gave and I gave and I gave and I came up empty again and again.
These mountains that you were carrying you were only supposed to climb
Najwa Zebian
Photo by Cyrill Hänni
I suspect that I am not alone in some of these experiences. I performed for praise and for a place at the table. Little did I know I was sitting at the wrong table.
One has to ask, what are we doing to ourselves? Why do we persist in such obviously maladaptive behavior, generation after generation? What set of standards are we seeking and setting, individually and as a society?
In my own quest for health I have come to the conclusion that our lives and this matrix we live in are far unhealthier than we even image.
Mental health is never addressed until someone blows up. Many of us live with decades of psychological pain buried, unbeknownst to ourselves, in our bodies. We act out this pain again and again, going nowhere.
Glyphosate invades our food supply. It’s in the soil in Napa. These and other chemicals and opioid drugs are found in our water.
We are social creatures, yet community is a buzz word, often far removed the reality of life where our garage and elevator doors open and close behind us, and processed food can be delivered to our door.
We are externally oriented, driven by baubles and bubbles.
We buy into society’s matrix, believing it is real, and in doing so ignore the deep reservoirs of human knowing within.
And 40% of us will get a cancer diagnosis. Not to mention a host of other diseases.
What’s wrong with this picture?
“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.”
–Buddha
Ask yourself: How do you care for yourself? Your family? Are you connected to your soul?
Ask your heart. Then be still and just listen.
Let your heart lead you to your own inner wisdom
***
Travel is the perfect metaphor for a journey within. Even if one must go down the rabbit hole of scanxiety. I suspect I will always be juggling scanxiety and my own contrary desires for ignorance and information. I think I am coming to err on the side of information once again, so I am moving towards resolution, whatever that may be, at least for the moment.
Cancer sucks. There is no debating that. It is a death of sorts. But it’s also life because there is wisdom to be found in the experience. If you could reexamine and remake your life, what would you choose?
Would it be houses and cars and clothes? Status and stuff?
Or would you choose to respect the earth and our food? Your own body and choices? Would you choose beauty? Harmony? Love?
How would those choices impact those around you?
Be the change you want to see in the world.
–Mahatma Gandhi
Change starts one person at a time. Never underestimate the impact you can have on others. Never underestimate the power of a single step.
A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.
***
Many ancient civilizations have a wisdom that we seem to have lost in the busyness of our lives. It is one of the things that fascinates me about perspectives on health and healing. What can we learn from the past to move us forward, in our world today?
“The people of this planet are forgetting how to experience outside the tyrannical habits of their minds.”
Thirty years ago I would not have understood this. I was mired in a matrix of accomplishment, status and stuff. I knew something was missing. I just didn’t know it was me.
It was flying that opened my eyes to the world because it opened the world to my soul. That ridiculously rash act of joining MASA, buying a “hot” plane and learning to fly became a pivot point in my life experience. I used to paraphrase the best selling book, All I Really Need to Know I Learned In Kindergarten, with All I Really Need to Know, I Learned Flying.
And all the lessons were there. It embodied risk and responsibility; fearlessness and trust; independence and interconnection; the power of the earth versus the ego of man; the beauty of the soul.
The experience of the earth from above, navigating by the invisible powers of the sky, is nothing short of astounding.
My soulful journey started in the sky. It was restarted with a cancer diagnosis, and now a travel quest. Because I’m always up for a bit of adventure. And in travel and in the quiet of my soul, I seem to find it.
Joan Halifax in her new book Standing At The Edge Finding Freedom Where Fear and Courage Meet talks about the fact that as humans, we are always in free fall. She writes: “It’s not like we will find some moral high ground where we are finally stable…It’s more like we are all falling above the infinite groundlessness of life, and we learn to become stable in flight…The final resting place is not the ground at all but rather the freedom that arises from knowing there will never be a ground, and yet here we are…navigating the boundless space of life”.
Wise words from a renown Buddhist monk.
The American Indians of the southwest also have a legacy and a culture of great wisdom, tied to the timeless wisdom of the earth. And so I choose to leave you with this quote from Chief Tecumseh. It’s a bit long, but worth reading:
Dream Catcher Photo Credit: PhotoDyaa Eldin
“So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none. When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision. When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way.
Sing your death song and die like a hero going home”
Scanxiety, Cancer and Reading–Three of My Favorite Soulful Books
Learning to live with the uncertainty of cancer and the certainty of scanxiety, I have tried to find some balance between stress (like my scanxiety experience above) and day to day life. Recognizing the lack of control we actually have is eye opening, and I choose to see it not as worrisome, but as opportunity. If I have NO control, what might come up? I look for the interesting and serendipitous, and it tends to take me good places.
And I read constantly. In this age of the two minute video, I make it a point to cultivate a more enduring attention span. Here are some of the books that have touched me or that travel with me. Drop me a line (twitter or email or a comment below) and share your favorites! I’m always looking for good reading.
I love this book for its depth of soul and deep wisdom.
From Amazon:
“I recommend this book highly to everyone.” –Deepak Chopra, M.D.
“Despite the awesome powers of technology, many of us still do not live very well,” says Dr. Rachel Remen. “We may need to listen to one another’s stories again.” Dr. Remen, whose unique perspective on healing comes from her background as a physician, a professor of medicine, a therapist, and a long-term survivor of chronic illness, invites us to listen from the soul.
This remarkable collection of true stories draws on the concept of “kitchen table wisdom”– the human tradition of shared experience that shows us life in all its power and mystery and reminds us that the things we cannot measure may be the things that ultimately sustain and enrich our lives.
It’s interesting that the first time I read When Breath Becomes Air, I thought, “oh no, another doctor finally discovers his mortality”. But I read it again for CancerBookClub and it is a wonderful book. I found myself deeply relating to Paul’s predicament of having his life ripped out from under him. If you read it, make note of Emma, the oncologist. Now that is a wise woman!
From Amazon:
At the age of thirty-six, on the verge of completing a decade’s worth of training as a neurosurgeon, Paul Kalanithi was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. One day he was a doctor treating the dying, and the next he was a patient struggling to live. And just like that, the future he and his wife had imagined evaporated. When Breath Becomes Air chronicles Kalanithi’s transformation from a naïve medical student “possessed,” as he wrote, “by the question of what, given that all organisms die, makes a virtuous and meaningful life” into a neurosurgeon at Stanford working in the brain, the most critical place for human identity, and finally into a patient and new father confronting his own mortality.
What makes life worth living in the face of death? What do you do when the future, no longer a ladder toward your goals in life, flattens out into a perpetual present? What does it mean to have a child, to nurture a new life as another fades away? These are some of the questions Kalanithi wrestles with in this profoundly moving, exquisitely observed memoir.
Those that follow this blog know that I’ve become an Eckhart Tolle fan. And this book can be life changing. It echoes wisdom from the past, and incorporates Tolle’s own unique insights and experiences on spirituality and mental health. Not necessarily the easiest read, but IMO a must read.
From Amazon:
To make the journey into the Now we will need to leave our analytical mind and its false created self, the ego, behind. From the very first page of Eckhart Tolle’s extraordinary book, we move rapidly into a significantly higher altitude where we breathe a lighter air. We become connected to the indestructible essence of our Being…Although the journey is challenging, Eckhart Tolle uses simple language and an easy question and answer format to guide us.
A word of mouth phenomenon since its first publication, The Power of Now is one of those rare books with the power to create an experience in readers, one that can radically change their lives for the better.
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Serendipity has played a part in the Abiquiu Art Project, located in Abiquiu, New Mexico.
Who could have predicted that five accomplished artists would have independently settled around a mesa, rather in the middle of nowhere, overlooking Plaza Blanca?
Plaza Blanca, Abiquiu NM
Never mind that Georgia O’Keeffe painted these curious rock formations decades ago; or that Shirley MacLain owns a ranch down the way. The serendipity of this cluster of talent is at the very least curious, but more likely serendipitous.
But consider the cast of characters:
The Artists of the Abiquiu Art Project Photo Credit: Abiquiu Art Project
From left to right:
Frank Shelton: Painter, Multimedia Artist, Maker of Secret Keepers.
Walter Nelson: Photographer, Painter, Adventurer. (Serious adventurer; see below!)
Doug Coffin: Of Potawatomi/Creek Heritage, Sculptor, Wine Lover.
Doug Coffin considers this cluster of talent one of those “Paris in the Forties” moments, where intense artists doing intense work have coalesced together. This wide ranging combination of talent makes up the Abiquiu Art Project. And at the heart of it all is Teresa Toole, who has organized the project which takes a look beyond traditional galleries and museums to experience art where it happens: in the artist studio. Her vision and tireless efforts are once again putting modern day Abiquiu on the map for art lovers.
Abiquiu (A-bih-kyoo) is a quiet village. The Chama river runs through it and along the river are residences, some of which are quite beautiful. And yet next door may be a run down trailer or two. The land’s habitation has been organic, and everyone shares in give and take of this New Mexico town.
The Chama River early in spring in Abiquiu
Abiquiu is best known for Georgia O’Keeffe’s house, and tours are available if booked in advance. And a new Georgia O’Keefe welcome center has recently opened. But perhaps even more interesting is the current art scene in and around this tiny village.
Coming up Route 84 from Santa Fe, one could easily speed by Abiquiu if one weren’t looking for the small town crossroad. The Aboquiu Inn and Restaurant nestles quietly alongside the highway and next door (with gas) is a regional landmark, Bodes.
Bodes is the only game in town and it carries everything from wine to worms (more or less)
As their logo says, “here a long time“. Bodes was originally established as a general store –Grants Mercantile– in 1890. Located strategically at the start of the Old Spanish Trail, it was a combination store, post office, stage coach stop and jail. In 1919, Martin Bode ought the store and the rest is history.
Bodes offers lunch, but I have to say my preference is for the Abiquiu Inn. A recent lunch of local trout, perfectly cooked and served with vegetables and masa was just lovely. The green chile stew at Bodes, not so much. But it depends on what you’re in the mood for. Some swear by Bodes. Some by the Inn. I say try both!
Here the typical tourist will usually wander north to Ghost Ranch, Georgia O’Keeffe’s ranch where she painted many of her most famous and iconic paintings. Once there you can take a tour and see pictures of Ms. O’Keeffe’s paintings side by side with the landscape she painted. But before you follow the road more traveled, consider a detour. Consider the Abiquiu Art Project.
Five artists. Five talents. Five galleries. And be sure to bring your Visa.
The Abiquiu Art Project: Walter W. Nelson
“In traveling this visual journey, I have relied on the masters, past and present, for inspiritation in light and shadow, color, texture, form and idea. I used these inspirations as a point of departure for my voyages into visual delights and mystical realms, my work striving to be present in the moment, to take the viewer “from the without to the within and back to the without again”.
Walter W. Nelson’s studio is tucked off a dirt road just behind Bodes General Store.
Walter Nelson’s Gallery on the Abiquiu Art Tour
Walter’s art credentials are impeccable. But I was most fascinated by his story and his photography.
One day, some years ago now, Walter and his friend Douglas Preston decided to trace Coronado’s explorations. Funded by a grant from the Smithsonian, these two men, a horse handler (of sorts), six horses, and a dog that later joined them, set off across a thousand miles of nearly uninhabited terrain in the American Southwest.
What resulted was a most excellent adventure chronicalled in the book Cities of Gold. If you read one adventure book this year, read this. It’s an epic thousand mile story following Coronado’s footsteps from the Mexican border in Arizona to New Mexico. The book includes photography from Walter, with the tale written by his best friend and best selling author Douglas Preston.
Walter’s photography has been part of his artistic endeavorers for decades now. His most recent book takes readers deep into the Black Place a location made famous by Georgia O’Keefe. It’s a harsh desert of two seasons-brutal heat and frigid cold.
One of the photographs from The Black Place Collection Photo Credit: Walter W. Nelson
His pictures stop you in your tracks. They are stunning; the type of detailed, composed, talented old fashioned photography that no iPhone could duplicate. And his trek to the Black Place is timeless:
“I must have seen the Black Place first driving past on a trip into the Navajo country and, having seen it, I had to go back to paint…. as you come to it over a hill, it looks like a mile of elephantsgrey hills all about the same size with almost white sand at their feet…. Such a beautiful, untouched, lonely-feeling place….” –Georgia O’Keeffe
Walter also paints, sculpts and creates stunning multi-media pieces. You can view Walter’s work on his website: WalterNelson.com.
To visit this gallery contact Teresa Toole, Abiquiu Art Project www.AbiquiuArtProject.com 505.685.0504
The Abiquiu Art Project: Debra Fritts
“Working intuitively from pounds of wet red clay, forms appear and stories develop… Each sculpture is hand built, using thick coils, and fired three to five times depending on the color and surface I am trying to achieve. I approach the color on the clay as a painter. My palette is a combination of oxides, slips, underglazes, and glazes. The form of the piece informs the type of surface treatment.”
Considerably off the beaten path is the studio of Debra Fritts and Frank Shelton (husband and wife).
A doorway set in a stone wall at the Gallery of Debra Fritts and Frank Shelton in Abiquiu
Frank describes Debra’s work as a combination of Etruscan, Early Greek and Contemporary. Her artistic vision as a figurative ceramicist is unique and complex. Layer after layer of clay, various slips and colors create an intricate sculpture.
I asked her if she’d considered bronzing any of her pieces.
She stopped.
“Yes,” she replied. “I’d have to do something with drips of paint on it or something,” she responded thoughtfully. “A lot of times I look at bronzes and I feel there isn’t an edge to it. It’s more traditional and I like a little edge in my work.”
Debra continued on the topic of bronzing. She’d played with idea of taking one piece–perhaps a raven’s head– to Shidoni in Tesuque (article to follow on this historic foundry and gallery), but the foundry closed after the economic downturn in 2008. The foundry still exists, but it has relocated to Albuquerque.
Debra’s creations are one of a kind, from (very affordable) wind chimes made of off white pottery pieces (shaped as wishbones for good luck), hung from old iron horse bits, and intermingled with antique black feathers and woven turquoise strands made from old prayer flags; to her free standing sculptures, which are just magnificent.
Close up of one of Debra Fritts’ free standing sculptures in her Abiquiu workspace
One of the things I am learning in my artistic travels is the depth of experience and expertise, often spanning decades, that is needed to produce a work of art. The piece below is still a work in progress. Debra wonders about extending the wings vs. keeping them clipped; about slips, oxides, underglazes and colorants, each of which get fired onto the sculpture; light vs. shadow on the overall piece. The decisions are seemingly endless and each has a profound implication for the final piece.
A work in progress in Debra Fritts’ Abiquiu Gallery
The firing process is done in a carefully controlled kiln environment. Debra prefers a slow firing. After weeks–or more– of work on a piece, she takes her time with this step.
And again, at this juncture, multiple decisions need to be made. At higher temperatures, the clay takes on a darker color. Higher temperatures also mean longer firings. At 1800 degrees it might take 12 hours to fire a piece; at 2400 degrees it could be 16-18 hours.
To say I’m taken with Debra’s work is an understatement. And then, I spent some time with her husband, Frank Shelton.
Visit Debra’s website to see more of her work. To visit this gallery contact Teresa Toole, Abiquiu Art Project www.AbiquiuArtProject.com 505.685.0504
The Abiquiu Art Project: Frank Shelton
“My process of working may best be described by paraphrasing a quote from the late Israeli artist, Moshe Kupferman. “…I first put in emotion and expression. Next, I cover it up. Then, I put in silence…” While, the process and product are important to me, I feel both are dead without passion. It is the passion that sustains me as an artist and human being.”
Frank Shelton is Debra Fritts’ husband, and together they share studio space at their stunning Abiquiu residence. Their public gallery is a quiet, spiritual place that they call “the chapel”.
Franks work hangs on the wall; Debra’s sculpture is free standing in the gallery called “The Chapel” in Abiquiu
While Debra’s work is very expressive, Frank’s work is minimalistic, but do not confuse minimalistic with less than thoughtful. On the contrary, the deep thought and impact of Frank’s pieces are stunning.
In his piece Order = Diversity, part of his Points of Connection series, he explores the tension between order and disorder. He starts by creating a precise grid on canvas:
The work starts with a precise grid pattern. (Frank Shelton’s Abiquiu Gallery)
And overlaying this are layer upon layer of thought and contemplation expressed in subtle color and drawing. The final painting is fascinating, as these two opposite elements create tension in a minimalist setting.
Order = Diversity in Abiquiu
On the left, one of Frank Shelton’s works; on the right, one of his Secret Keepers in his Abiquiu gallery
In addition to his painting , Frank also creates “Secret Keepers”, figures of fiber, plaster and concrete. The Secret Keepers are intriguing. I wonder if creating a Secret Keeper might be part of my healing retreats. What secret would you want kept?
The gallery and the property are both beautiful, restful places where many wonderful pieces are constantly being created. It’s well worth a trip to Abiquiu.
Click here for Frank Shelton’s website. To visit this gallery contact Teresa Toole, Abiquiu Art Project www.AbiquiuArtProject.com 505.685.0504
The Abiquiu Art Project: Doug Coffin
High atop the mesa is the gallery of Doug Coffin.
“Coffin has developed a style that suggests a fusion of the ancient totemic forms used by many Native cultures with the abstract and geometric forms of modernism, creating a visual language that relies less on a narrative storyline and more on powerful design metaphors… For me, the spiritual in artwork is essential…As an artist, I use symbols – numeric and geometric – to represent these most powerful elements of life and the universe. My art is about contrast, both in time and space. What interests me are the images that live in the mind long after the reality is gone.”
Doug Coffin Sculpture in his yard on the mesa above Plaza Blanca near Abiquiu
I find Coffin’s sculptures stunning, exotic, yet still accessible. The totem roots speak deeply to my soul, in his sculpture and his paintings. Doug is of Potawatomi/Creek heritage. He is quiet and reserved, and in many of his paintings is a bit of vibrant red, an homage to his Indian heritage.
Painting in the studio of Doug Coffin in Abiquiu
One of Doug’s current projects is a massive installation of thirty foot totem in Kansas. You can see him standing with the painted model in the poster in back:
Picture of Doug standing with his model for 30 foot totem installation I this Abiquiu gallery.
The entire gallery is just fun and fascinating. And that includes the bathroom, which is hung with floor to ceiling pictures of Doug with his Hollywood friends over the years. His wife is a well know film maker, and between them, a most eclectic clientele seems to find their way to Doug’s studio.
Dennis Hopper, among others, adorns the walls of Doug’s powder room I Abiquiu. Check behind the door for Pierce Brosnan and more!
Celebrities in Doug Coffin’s bathroom I nAbiquiu
Click here for Doug Coffin’s website. To visit this gallery contact Teresa Toole, Abiquiu Art Project www.AbiquiuArtProject.com 505.685.0504
The Abiquiu Art Project: Joseph Hall
“Aesthetically, my work often centers on abstract architecture and landscapes, and semiotics, but after coming to New Mexico five years ago, some of my work is beginning to show the influence of the desert, geology, and cultures that surround me. I am particularly interested in pushing the idea of “ring”—what a ring can be, while still being wearable. Jewelry at its best is wearable art.”
Joseph’s jewelry is exquisite. The workmanship and detail in each piece is the product of decades of practice. Joseph started designing jewelry over 40 years ago in Seattle where his client list was a who’s who of the Seattle and the technology scene. While he crafts a wide range of jewelry, rings have become his focus. He is a master craftsman, combining visual aesthetics, gems, and creativity with a highly technical background in metals.
In 1980, Joseph published one of the first papers in the United States on the coloring and use of titanium and related metals (tantalum, niobium, hafnium, etc.—the “refractory” metals) in jewelry. He has a Master of Fine Arts degree from the University of Washington. He has been a Distinguished Member of the Society of North American Goldsmiths (SNAG), and has taught and lectured at colleges and universities throughout the United States. He also has degrees in science (BS), and urban planning (MS).
Joseph is currently working on an art project considering the concept of a “hyperobject” dealing with satelight imagery in the southwestern Texas desert around the small town of Marfa.
Here are a few examples of some of his incredible creations:
Photo credit for rings: Joseph Hall
You can see more of Joseph’s creations on his website, RingworksStudio.com. To visit this gallery contact Teresa Toole, Abiquiu Art Project www.AbiquiuArtProject.com 505.685.0504
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The Vashon Island Photo Gallery is finally up and running just in time for summer vacation! If you’re heading to Puget Sound, you might like to put this quirky little island located just north of Tacoma on your list of places to visit.
The local farmers market on Vashon Island is terrific.
I have yet to write about or organize my pictures from so many places! But they’re coming shortly! And also coming shortly will be our CancerRoadTrip healing retreat giveaways. Sign up below to stay in the know on our progress. (Please know I never share or sell email or contact information. Particularly for cancer patients, I feel that this information is highly private.)
The Pacific Northwest in summer is one of the world’s best places to visit. Often sunny, but not too hot; lots of fresh produce and seafood; and beaches galore. Seattle, I do believe, has more types of berries than any place I’ve ever visited and they’re in abundance during the summer months. Do take the time to visit the farmers markets, on Vashon Island and elsewhere, and buy local!
It simply doesn’t get any better than the Pacific Northwest in the summer.
For those of you that have been following this journey, you’ll know that it was the kindness and generosity of some friends that gave me shelter from the proverbial storm. To Jim and Jen, all my thanks. Need a house sitter again this summer?
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New Mexico is home to numerous Indian tribes and keeping alive the cultural traditions of their ancestors is important. This past week I attended The Gathering of Nations in Albuquerque which drew over 3,500 Native American dancers in an extravaganza of dance, costumes and tradition.
The very name has a rhythm and melody of the ages.
In my travels, I had the honor of meeting Barbara Culbertson. Barbara has studied Ka Ta See traditions, teaching, healing and counseling for over two decades and has earned the designation of Shaman in that tradition. While studying this tradition she maintained a private practice providing massage, balancing and repairing of the energetic foundations of our bodies and somatic approaches to emotional healing.
For ten years she taught at the Duke University Diet and Fitness Center teaching Mindfulness Meditation, Life Style Change classes, and providing individual energy balancing sessions. She has a a BA in Psychology and Religion and a MA in Economics.
Ka Ta See is about realizing one’s human potential, based on ancient traditions that extend back tens of thousands of years. It’s ceremonies, spiritual practices and ways of living int the world are taught both in groups and one on one among the Ka Ta See healers; it has historically been an oral tradition passed on from generation to generation as story, ceremony and experiential learning. Until Kay Cordell Whitaker was asked to chronicle the teachings in her books.
The story of Ka Ta See coming to the U.S. is not serendipity. In the 1970s the Elders sent pairs of Shaman out into the broader world. The elders and the shaman did spirit journeys questing for information about who they would teach and how they would find the people that would carry this tradition forward in the western world. Kay Cordell Whittaker was one of these people. She is now the leading authority in the Western World of her teacher’s tribal ways.
Kay Cordell Whitaker’s introduction to the shaman healings of the Ka Ta See
Kay Cordell Whittaker was a house wife with two children and a husband. Until her life changed dramatically when she met two two elder shamans from South America, Domano and Chea Hetaka.
Her studies with Domano and Chea are chronicled in her book The Reluctant Shaman, and her subsequent writings. With her shaman guides, she is introduced to the rich history of the Ka Ta See.
From Kay Cordell Whittaker:
“Among the things Domano and Chea have taught me during my more than 13 years of apprenticeship with them is about the enormous almost unlimited potential each of us carries as a human and what little we know about it, let alone how to tap into it.
The most important thing my teachers told me I need to do to learn to know and live my potential is to free myself from the habits of my mind. As they put it:
“The people of this planet are forgetting how to experience outside the tyrannical habits of their minds.”
“It is our tradition we give to you that will lead you to break out of the habits of mind.”
Kay’s continued exploration of the Ka Ta See tradition.
Kay’s story continues in a second book, Sacred Link. The reviews of the book are stunning, as are the comments from some very prominent thought leaders:
“One of the great teachings in modern literature.” – Nancy London, co-author of Our Bodies, Ourselves
“Sacred Link sent chills up my spine —what a compelling, empowering story!” — Christine Northrup, M.D., author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom
“Sacred Link redefines the meaning of ‘spiritual sensuality’.” — John Perkins, author of Shapeshifting and Spirit of Shuar
My connection to Ka Ta See is through Barb Culbertson. I met Barb in Santa Fe and attended one of her workshops where we started to explore one’s “Song”, a Ka Ta See poetic reference to oneself. Ka Ta See–and the idea of “Song”– is about a deep knowing of one’s truth. You can’t know your song from reading about it; you can’t learn it from a video.
Learning one’s truth is experiential. Knowing your “Song”– your wholeness– comes from experiencing experiencing the intimacy and the constant flow of communication between your physical and spiritual aspects. It’s about a deep personal kindness toward’s oneself and all else, about access to knowledge, meaning and purpose, set against the ancient, mystical practices of the Ka Ta See.
Our elders always said that Humanity is now moving into the Era of the Heart. For you to know the purpose of being alive, To know the life you came here to live, And what part you came here to play, To help with that move, You need to know your heart. In Ka Ta See, this is part of what is called “Knowing your Song.”
-Kay Cordell Whitaker, author The Reluctant Shaman
The Ka Ta See people from are from South America. They have lived in this area for at least 30,000 years in a culture that is radically different from the western world.
Photo by Alan Hurt Jr. on Unsplash
There is no wifi; there is no suburbia. But there are ancient traditions of life and healing that have withstood the passage of time.
Their culture starts with an understanding of self, or Song. The word Song, as Kay Cordell Whittaker says, evokes harmonious pleasing sounds and pictures, heart felt music and harmonies, living colors, and a taste of the aliveness that permeates all existence. It is the basis of Ka Ta See thinking, feeling, health, relationships, ceremonies and spiritual practices. It is the physical and spiritual truth of their culture, on an individual and collective level.
They live the language of perception and energetic/spiritual communication
They live the language of “one” as the elders of ancient Alaskan traditions say—the language of perception and energetic/spiritual communication with all beings. Through these perceptions, they know and understand the world. The Ka Ta See people and other ancient cultures understand this way of communication as necessary for the healing of human consciousness and Earth.
“If you want to learn about this new world, if you want to quest for balance, then start by learning your Song. When we hunt our Song, we are turning our perception toward our own beingness. And the nature of our beingness is perception. It is a feeling of great affection and completeness. Of apprecitation and acceptance. And its melodies and nuances are yours alone”.
–Chea Hetaka (from The Reluctant Shaman)
Rattles are used in Ka Ta See ceremonies and healings
From their experience of self, the Ka Ta See perceive everything to be alive – the trees, the birds, the rocks, the waters, the animals, atoms and molecules. And everything has a Song, a consciousness, its own way of perceiving and its own unique action to fulfill in the cycle of life.
In this manner, according to Ka Ta See tradition, every element of our bodies (our cells, organs, nerves, muscles, blood, etc.) has an intelligent consciousness that naturally seeks balance.
Western society, however, has by and large lost its connection to the earth and its elements, and certainly many of us have lost the connection to our true selves. Conditioned by society’s must do’s, expectations and norms, we have learned to deeply discount our “Songs” from our souls.
What’s in your soul? What is your Song?
This disconnection is seen by the Ka Ta See as a spiritual imbalance that is at the root of many emotional, mental and physical health problems. In their world, their perception of what’s real is based on Song, it’s multidimensional and it explores a knowing that is ancient and beyond the experience of western culture.
The Ka Ta See Healing Tradition
The circle is a symbol of life and of balance between the male and female energies that sustain life in the Ka Ta See tradition
Healing in the Ka Ta See tradition is about balance. A disorder may be seen as a wake up call, a call to action. According to the Ka Ta See teachings, disorders resist leaving the body if the help they have to offer is ignored – they know what they have to give is an essential part of complete recovery of the body.
The healing process consists of interactions between the healer, the client, the spirit guides, and the wisdom of the body. Through this alliance, healing can occur. The healings can be done in person or at a distance.
In the West, these tribal traditions are passed on from teacher to student, individually or in groups. Ka Ta See teachings have provided a thriving environment for people, for the beings of the earth, and for the earth itself for eons. There is so much freshness in these ancient teachings, from which we can learn so much.
One of the things that resonated with me was the intense connection to the now, through one’s Song and senses. I believe that we have much to learn from other cultures, about healing and about life.
Practitioners such as Barbara Culbertson bring these healing traditions to all of us. You can contact her here if you’re interested in learning more about seeking your own inner wisdom and potential, in the Ka Ta See tradition.
Peru has intrigued me for years. The Ka Ta See live in the eastern Andes. The Inca civilization, the shaman healing traditions, and the landscape of the country all beckon me. It is definitely on the CancerRoadTrip agenda.
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If you want to see the sunshine, you have to weather the storm. –Frank Lane
A rare spring storm brings rainfall. Everything is fresh.
I’ve been meditating twice a day. Even so, I’ve had some trouble dropping deeply into silence. Thankfully this morning, my mind stilled almost immediately, but what came up was not what I expected.
I meditate in my bedroom. One window is high on the wall and has views of cottonwood tops just starting to leaf out, a bit of adobe and streaks of morning sun. It radiates morning, possibility and promise. I love this view.
Another window looks out into a meadow where birds sing to each other. Here the sun bathes everything in its early light. The grasses glisten; the air smells sweet. This is one of the reasons I love the morning.
Photo by Rose Erkul on Unsplash
And this morning, with a passing storm, we’ve finally had a bit of rainfall. Everything feels so fresh and vibrant.
Yet I had a deep meditation that brought up all that is stale.
For whatever reason, the lingering doubt, uncertainty and pain that have been riding with me decided to make their presence known this morning. I am wise enough to know this is good. But it is also painful.
Sleeping, I had a dream. I was standing alongside a road. A procession of people arrived, one by one. In their own way, each person embodied some potential. They arrived; we seemed to talk; then they departed.
As each person left, I re-arranged the items I carried with me, each time making them more compact and portable. Finally, I slung my small knapsack over my shoulder, and I continued down the road.
In my dream, there was a total absence of feeling or emotion. I continued effortlessly on my trek, without ever looking back.
I awoke from the dream and set it aside. It wasn’t particularly troubling; just jumbled. And then, I settled in to meditate first thing in the morning, as I always do.
But deep in my being, there was pain. And with the stillness of meditation, it emerged. I couldn’t stop it; I couldn’t deny it; so I went deep into it. Pain is better than numbness, and I stopped to listen to what it had to say.
I suppose it was inevitable. I still have to fully mourn the events that kicked off this late life travel foray of mine. I betrayed Chanel when I broke up my home. My home, that I poured so much love into. My so-called friends that intentionally destroyed my business life and my finances. In retrospect, I should have seen the latter coming.
And at the root of it all is cancer. The thread that sent my life onto a strange and unexpected tangent.
The intense pain I feel this morning is strangely my friend. It’s my body’s way of grabbing my attention.
But it needs to leave.
For it to leave, I need to let it go.
You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.
–Buddha
This morning the birds are chirping more brightly. I am grounded. Grounded as pain continues to pour out. Grounded in gratitude that it is here. I know it needs to be felt, processed, and released. I am staying with it.
But my pain, if I’m honest, is one of attachment. Attachment to a past time. Attachment to a story. It really is neither here nor there; it exists only in my mind. It may have happened, but it’s in my perception and judgment that it lingers, staying alive. It doesn’t exist in the present moment, in the “Now”.
In reality, Chanel has found a good home with the socialization she needed. I could not have provided that for her. My beautiful home is no longer a burden of maintenance, taxes and repair. It has given way to beautiful travel vistas. And people…when it comes to people I’ve adopted the Oscar Wilde saying:
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
It’s just another encounter along the road.
Road trips are never what we expect. Not if we’re open to the journey. Does the next bend in the road reveal beauty or challenge? Or both?
The incredible vista of the road
This morning, with this emotional storm, I’ve had the stuffings knocked out of me and I think I’ll just pause for a bit. Feeling, being, not thinking. Just being here, now.
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Everyone can’t necessarily make Restaurant Week, but one can take a tour with Food Tour New Mexico anytime.
I signed up with Food Tour New Mexico for a day on the culinary trail to get a different perspective of Santa Fe cuisine. The tour included three restaurants (all of which were new to me) , a stop at an olive oil store, and the perfect end to a perfect day– a sampling of Pre-Columbian, Mesoamerican, Mayan and Aztec drinking chocolate elixirs.
I seldom take tours; I prefer to wander, but the prospect of food and stories lured me in. And Carlos Zozaya, our culinary guide for the day with Food Tour New Mexico, was the perfect person to combine both.
Native Americans sell jewelry at the Palace of the Governors
Food Tour New Mexico
The day for the restaurant tour arrived and a northerly wind swept the Plaza. Indians with their hand crafted jewelry lined up beneath the portico at the Palace of the Governors. Every day spots are allocated by a lottery system. Some artists travel hours to claim a place, but today many were empty. It’s not tourist season; it is winter and it is cold.
A curly haired, friendly fellow smiled and approached me. It was Carlos. Carlos is a big man, his size outweighed only by his friendliness. He puts everyone immediately at ease as he starts telling the tales of New Mexico’s food scene. He’s apprenticed in various restaurants; left New Mexico; returned to New Mexico; and is now firmly entrenched in the New Mexico culinary world.
Carlos discussing the merits of New Mexican Chile at the San Francisco Bar and Grill
As the group assembled, Carlos asked if we could handle margaritas before noon. Had he hinted that this would be the most perfect margarita, with the most perfect balance of slightly sweet, lime and tequila, no one could have said no.
And no one did.
The San Francisco Bar and Grill overlooks the Plaza
San Francisco Bar and Grill
Food Tour New Mexico started with a bit of traditional New Mexican food at San Francisco Bar and Grill on the corner of Don Gaspar Avenue and East San Francisco Street.
Carlos’ enthusiasm is boundless and his culinary knowledge deep.
Cooking has always been his passion. As a child, he helped his grandmother in the kitchen. But as a young man, the world of New Mexico seemed too small and he left.
Carlos’ good nature and expertise made each stop an experience.
Now he laughs at his attempts to leave. “New Mexico is the Land of Entrapment!” he proclaims, echoing a local theme that mocks the state motto “Land of Enchantment”.
Because once New Mexico is in your blood, it is always so. When you try to leave, the indescribable pull of this remarkable place quietly, subtly, persistently pulls you back.
Carlos came back because leaving New Mexico made him realize just how special the local history, culture and food really are.
A mingling of Spanish, Mexican and Indian cultures has produced a place like no other. The Mexican traditions brought traditional foods and salsas (not red or green chile). The Indians brought native foods. A typical food might be Indian tacos fried like naan bread, topped with beans, according to Carlos.
The Spanish brought spices–paprika, cumin, cilantro–and smaller portions in tapas, and perhaps most importantly, in the 1600’s, the papilla pepper arrived. The climate in the Rio Grande Valleys was perfect: Hot days, warm nights mixed with the mineral content of the water and land gave the New Mexican chile a unique flavor profile that can’t be transported.
Chile preferences are a topic of passionate discussion in New Mexico.
How hot. How to prepare, store them and cook them. Ultimately the discussion comes to a pivotal question:
Red or Green?
Photo by Calum Lewis on Unsplash
This is a serious topic of debate.
Some say green chile is for chicken and pork. Some prefer red. Or red chile with meat, but certainly not green.
The difficulty of deciding has led to a compromise solution that everyone seems to accept:
Both Red and Green
AKA, Christmas style. That way everyday is a holiday in your mouth.
Why all the brouhaha? What’s the difference? Is it just heat? Flavor? Preference? Or perhaps a combination of all the above?
Let me see if I can summarize the dissertation of red versus green chile.
There are several cultivars of chile including New Mexico 6-4′, ‘Big Jim’, ‘Sandia’, and ‘No. 6’ and ‘No. 9’ . All chile start off green. When they’re allowed to ripen further they become red.
Same pepper, but two different products.
The Green Chile
The green chile is often eaten as a pepper. They may be layered with eggs, on burgers and made into sauces. Some say that the green chile tends to be a bit hotter, although I am inclined to believe it really depends on the preparation. I can’t eat anything too hot, but I adore green chile.
The skin of either the red or green chile isn’t digestible, so the pepper has to be roasted then peeled.
In Carlos’ house, his mother would purchase fifty pound bags of fresh green chile. They were roasted and sweated in large plastic bags. The sweating helps the skins slide off easily.
There are several methods to preparing chile. They can be roasted, peeled and frozen. They can be frozen with the skin in place. (The skins then pull off easily when defrosted.) One cook claims this leads to superior flavor.
Green chile can also be freeze dried, made into a powder, packaged and shipped. Green chile is often associated with chicken or pork, although there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to chile preferences.
The Red Chile
Red chile is a slightly different animal. Here is where the techniques start to differ. It is usually dried for storage. It then needs to be reconstituted.
The Santa Fe chile hangs outside at the Farmers Market
Carlos explained that his mother would buy an edible (not lacquered) chile rista. The individual chile would be boiled in water, the water and stems discarded. Then she would fill the blender with garlic, salt, pepper, cumin, and oregano; blend it; strain it to catch seeds and skin; and pour the mixture into a pot and let it simmer. It would then be reduced or thickened with a cornstarch roux and served as a gravy. Some people sauté onions or garlic separately. There would appear to be as many variations as there are cooks.
The flavor of the New Mexican red chile can also be found in powder form, but to bring out the flavor, it needs to be bloomed, much like curry powder, by sautéing it first in oil.
Hatch chile have gained renown largely through a marketing program sponsored by the State of New Mexico. Why Hatch, New Mexico when chile are grown all along the Rio Grande? Hatch simply had a lot of land available!
The fame of the Hatch chile is what most people are most familiar with. The success of the New Mexican pepper has led to wannabe competitors. One town, Hatch, Colorado has tried to cash in on the growing popularity of Hatch chile by (legally) marketing peppers grown in Colorado as “Hatch Chile”. But only chile grown in New Mexico, and particularly the Rio Grande Valley, have the authentic flavor profile so prized.
The food at San Francisco Bar and Grill was simple New Mexican food: Chicken Enchiladas served with yellow rice and beans. And red chile sauce. And, of course, a most perfect margarita, made with good tequila, a nice squeeze of lime and lemon, and house made lemonade as a sweetener rather than triple sec.
Traditional New Mexican food
As we ate, Carlos continued with his tale.
Leaving New Mexico, he explained, was kind of a blessing in disguise because it took leaving to appreciate that the rich history, the culture and the food simply doesn’t exist elsewhere. And sure enough, the Enchanted Land of Entrapment worked its magic, and thankfully for us, Carlos returned to his roots.
***
Santacafe
Santacafe has indoor and outdoor courtyard dining during the warmer months
The Santa Fe restaurant scene is diverse, with everything from pan-Asian to traditional New Mexican.
Santacafe started with famed chef Ming Tsai overseeing the kitchen and is a Santa Fe favorite for good reason. It’s low key elegance with little decor, the historic building and the farm fresh, creative food will bring you back again and again. Located at 231 Washington Avenue, just a few blocks from the Plaza, the house was built between 1857 and 1862 by Jose Manuel Gallegos, a controversial defrocked priest cum politician. The property has been used as a church, a brothel, government offices, and now a beloved local restaurant.
A sampling at Santacafe with Food Tour New Mexico
The restored property has a patio for summer dining as well as two deep wells, one in the outdoor courtyard and one in the bar. And naturally, there is a story behind this.
The original outdoor well was publicly accessible and given Jose Gallegos’ sometimes controversial activities, there was concern over the safety of the drinking water. So an interior well was also built. It was rediscovered after a fire in the property, and is now (with a plexiglass top to prevent any patrons from taking a spill down the forty foot drop) part of the bar area, as well as the lore of the historic property .
Inside the decor is intentionally minimalistic, so that the food takes center stage. Crisp white table cloths and glistening glasses await the diner. We started with a New Zealand Savignon Blanc which paired perfectly with a butternut squash soup, followed by Shiitake Mushroom & Cactus Spring Rolls w/ Southwestern Ponzu (a dipping sauce of soy, cilantro and red pepper flakes) and some Greek Salad, The ingredients are locally and carefully sourced and the attention to detail shows in every dish.
Bobby Morean, the owner since 1982, busily moves through the restaurant, making sure everything was perfect, from the homemade green chile bread and crackers, to the wine selection. His sense of fun and passion are intoxicating, as is the food. When in Santa Fe, this is a place to put on your dining list, either through the restaurant tour or on your own.
Owner Bobby Morean busily moving about at Santacafe
***
Eloisa
I have to say that I am thoroughly enjoying this Santa Fe restaurant tour with Food Tour New Mexico. The food is fabulous, the stories told by Carlos are too much fun, and the breadth and scope of places offers a wonderful sampling of the culinary range in “The City Different”.
Next up is Eloisa, located on the ground floor of the Drury Plaza Hotel. The hotel has been recently renovated. In previous incarnations, it has been a hospital, a nursing home, government offices, and the basement was used to store Indian artifacts for a while.
The entrance to Eloisa
It is also rumored to be haunted. Apparitions, voices and noises are said to inhabit the property.
But we experienced no such events. At least not on this day.
One enters through a foyer lined with from floor to ceiling with pictures of indigenous foods. The “Hall of History” is a fascinating photo homage to the indigenous food of several hundred years ago.
The “Hall of History” chronicles many of the indigenous foods of the New Mexican people
Some of the foods were familiar: fish, chicken, tamales. Others were more exotic: cactus, chile, prickly pears. And one was truly unique: Ants filled with honey nectar. The bloated ant pouches were allowed to harden and given to children as a sweet treat.
Ants filled with honey nectar
At this point after two previous stops, I have to admit that I’m slowing down a bit. But the food at Eloisa is not to be missed.
Blue corn muffins made without sugar have a natural sweetness from the flour. And accompanying them on our tasting menu is a Chile Relleno, stuffed with guyere cheese, mushroom, chorizo garbanzo and puree frise salad tossed in a vinagraitte. And the creative piece de resistance: Pastrami Tacos, made with spicy smoked beef, sauerkraut, pickled chiles, and ballpark mustard. Both served with a Spanish White wine.
Sugarless but sweet, blue corn muffins with chile butter
Pastrami taco and a cheese and mushroom stuffed enchilada
As if this weren’t enough, we were treated to a taste of the mole the kitchen was preparing to serve with a deconstructed salmon pot pie for dinner. And perhaps the mole would find its way into a chocolate ice cream desert as well.
The sauce was wonderful. And there were two bowls for the table, which meant leftovers. Dianne, another woman on the tour, looked at me. I looked back. We both smiled, and divided up the left over mole to take home.
***
Santa Fe Olive Oil and Balsamic Company
Balsamic vinegars as far as the eye can see at Santa Fe Olive Oil and Balsamic Company
Next stop on Food Tour New Mexico: Santa Fe Olive Oil and Balsamic Company where oil and balsamic vinegar come to dance. The selection is second to none and the range of vinegars will satisfy anyone’s palate, including locally inspired flavors such as prickly pear balsamic vinegar. It’s the prefect respite before desert.
Kakawa Chocolate House is just a bit off the beaten tourist path
Now I am not a big chocolate person. Some would consider this a character defect. But Kakawa has moved me closer to becoming a chocolate aficionado.
This is not your typical chocolatier. From their website:
“Our passion is authentic and historic drinking chocolates elixirs. Historic drinking chocolate elixirs include traditional Pre-Columbian, Mesoamerican, Mayan and Aztec drinking chocolate elixirs; 1600’s European drinking chocolate elixirs, Colonial American and Colonial Mexican drinking chocolate elixirs. Kakawa Chocolate House drinking chocolate elixirs are representative of these historic recipes and span the time period 1000 BC to the mid-1900s AD.”
Choose your chocolate!
The ultimate chocolate drink. Seriously.
Chocolate elixirs are listed on the board as you enter. We sampled several to choose a favorite. But equally amazing are the chocolate truffles. Dark chocolate and goat cheese rocked my boat. And there are dozens of combinations to choose from.
A goat cheese truffle at Kakawa Chocolate House. #Foodgasm
Kakawa is located on the Paseo de Peralta (the road that rings old Santa Fe) in a small house, just a bit off the tourist track. Make it a point to seek this place out. You’ll be glad you did.
***
Remember what I said about touristy things in Seattle? If sampling some great food in Santa Fe is of interest, Food Tour New Mexico is a must do.
Dinner restaurant tours in Santa Fe and Alburquerque are also available. More information on Food Tour New Mexico is available at www.FoodTourNewMexico.com.
Saturdays I try to take off and explore. I recently went to the Santa Clara Pueblo to visit the Puye Cliff Dwellings. Which, of course, led to another adventure as I was invited to visit Jeff Roller, Native American artist and potter in his gallery. Since this is a picture rich post, I’ve placed it in the Gallery section.
“Sometimes serendipity is just intention unmasked.” ― Elizabeth Berg, The Year of Pleasures
So much of what I am learning is about unlearning.
I like to think myself free of many of the cultural bounds I have lived in, but I am not. As I travel, the extraneous falls away, but I am still the product of the world in which I have moved for so long.
But somewhere in this past year, I have crossed a threshold. It might be a threshold of just not caring. But actually I think it’s more of a surrender to the journey. And an abandonment of my so called mind, its comparative judgements and desire to control.
Instead, I am simply present and curious, and in this I find great joy.
***
During my flying days, I remember being at the airfield one day. A friend had come down, to see my new plane, Whiskey Oscar, and to just hang out a bit. After a bit, she turned to me and said: “Why are you doing this?”
Why am I doing this? Flying is magic and it touches my soul.
She’d watched me struggle with the size and bulk of the plane; with the need for assistance that was granted oh-so-reluctantly. There were a million not so subtle clues that I really wasn’t welcomed into this male aviation bastion that I had joined.
“I just want to fly,” I replied.
I looked at her and repeated my words: “I just want to fly.” It was a response from deep in my soul and I uttered it with total peace and conviction.
It was the joy of flying that drove me forward, through all the petty difficulties and nonsense.
Why hadn’t I learned that life lesson sooner, that it is all about the joy?
And now, in my sixth decade, I find joy in life’s serendipity and adventures, albeit on the ground.
There is something about the adventure of being on the road that allows one to step out of the bounds of routine, that makes the space for serendipity to arise.
From 11 Life Lessons Learned from the Road: bit.ly/2ArBwpq
Saturday was a curious day. I was a bit without a rudder. There is always work to do on the blog. Growing social media. Opening new doors. I could employ three of me full time.
But Saturday, I felt the need to just be out, away from my computer. I wandered and in my wanderings, serendipity arose not once, but twice.
***
My travel wardrobe (as I’m sure you will recall!) is black, grey and off white. Everything matches, although nothing matches really. And it’s all just fine. It’s a uniform I don with little thought and I like the freedom it brings.
Now just a splash of color would be nice. So I am on a semi-perpetual scarf quest, at least for the moment.
I am in no rush. Serendipity will allow the right thing to appear, at the right time. And in this day of wandering, I did not find a scarf, but a conversation.
***
The Santa Fe Farmers Market
I wandered over to Guadalupe Street where the farmer’s market was just wrapping up. I know if I stop in I will find something, but that is not what today’s quest is about.
Today’s quest is for a bit of color.
On Guadalupe Street is a combination of stores and restaurants, jewelers and consignment shops. Peruvian Connection is on one corner, and across the street, Double Take.
Double Take is a consignment shop with seemingly endless finds. The first floor is pure cowboy/cowgirl, with everything from oodles of jewelry to boots and clothes.
Falling on the cowgirl side of the equation, I am always taken with the turquoise jewelry. Case after case of beads and bracelets tempt and beckon. But I have a few things I love and I need no more. Even so, I do enjoy browsing this Saturday afternoon.
Beautiful colorful baubles
More bracelets, this time in turquoise
I wander the bracelets and beads. The beads are beautiful but the prices seem a bit high; a bit too tourist inflated. The flea market north of town has better prices and perhaps better jewelry too.
I head towards the other side of the shop where the vintage clothing lives. Perhaps I’ll find a scarf here.
But rather than a scarf, I get talking to an attractive woman a bit younger than me. Her name is Sarah. We share our Santa Fe enchantment/entrapment tales.
New Mexico is called The Land of Enchantment for good reason. If you connect with this place, it’s a soulful connection that isn’t easily cast aside.
The landscape of Santa Fe
The flip side of that is that it entraps you. Once New Mexico is in your blood, you are forever entrapped by the Land of Enchantment.
For the people who are drawn here, the pull is almost palpable and it immediately creates a connection, to the land and to each other. There is a knowing and acceptance that opens conversations on a more personal, energetic level than I’ve experienced elsewhere. Perhaps this is one of the reasons that I am so drawn to this place.
I tell Sarah the tale of CancerRoadTrip. Of betrayal, of pursuing my own healing through travel. And of the future plans to give to others.
She responds that it is perfect.
“It’s a work in progress,” I respond laughing. I point to the amazing resources of a place like Santa Fe for a healing retreat.
“Feldenkrais”, she responds.
I pause.
Pardon me?
“Feldenkrais”. I have no idea what she is saying, much less talking about.
“I can’t explain it”, she tries to explain. “You just have to try it”.
She asks for my email. I give her my card and she promises to send me the information.
And, sure enough, later that day, an email with the directions to Feldenkrais appears in my inbox. Sunday 11 am.
At first, I write a polite, non-commital response. But something sticks with me; I decide to google Feldenkrais. And it’s a fascinating story.
Dr. Moshe Feldenkrais was born in Russian, immigrated to Israel and eventually worked for a number of years with Joliet Curie in the French nuclear program.
Feldenkrais was physically active until a knee injury sidelined him. Simply walking was problematic, between mechanical dysfunction and unrelenting pain. And that is when he focused his very keen mind on a synthesis of physics, body mechanics, neurology, learning theory and psychology to develop the Feldenkrais method.
Photo by Samuel Zeller on Unsplash
This method leverages knowledge with experiential understanding to rewire the brain, to find new methods of movement. As one learns to experientially move in new ways, the mind also learns to think in new ways. It’s about self knowledge, discovery and choice. The brain’s neuroplasticity, something science is just getting onto, is perfectly capable of rewiring itself and translating that knowing to the body.
What implications does this have for chronic pain issues, not to mention cancer?
But I digress.
This particular session had to do with experiencing the function of the lungs. Did you know that the right lung is larger than the left? It has three lobes versus two on the left. Have you ever felt or sensed this disparity?
The series of breathing and visualization exercises took me deep into the movement of my lungs. I understood breath in a new way. I felt the function of breathing in a way I never had before. And because it’s experiential, the sensation and awareness of each lung, rising, deflating, moving through my body is now a part of me. I can draw on this exercise and sensation at will.
As Sarah had forewarned me, you have to experience this.
For me, this resonated on a far more profound level than yoga ever had (although getting up and down from the floor during this exercise, I realized some time in the yoga studio would also be good for me). I can only imagine how much I might learn over time, about body wellness and dynamics.
After class I stopped and chatted with the instructor. I ask her how she got into this.
“I was a dancer and at the age of 15 I started having hip problems. They told me I needed surgery” she explained. But rather than surgery, she found Feldenkrais and was so captivated, that after art school in New York, she decided to concentrate full time on this method of healing.
Needless to say, I’m heading back next week for more Feldenkrais. I hope that this may be an avenue to deal with some of my mobility problems and the unending pain in my shoulder that started with my hip surgery after the last round of chemo. And perhaps a method of insight into that elusive mind/body connection that I believe is such a crucial key to healing, life and wellness.
***
Serendipity arrives in yet another form on Saturday night. I am feeling unusually social. I stayed in Friday night, too tired to do anything. But tonight I’d enjoy some company. I browse the MeetUp groups. Perhaps there is something here.
A dinner for women entrepreneurs catches my eye, but the RSVP deadline was yesterday. Nevertheless, I leave a message seeing if I might join. A bit later, a text appears on my phone. I am welcomed.
Photo by Cathal Mac an Bheatha on Unsplash
In some ways being in Santa Fe is like being a stranger in a strange land. Serendipity welcomes me at many a turn and I find an easy comraderie with people. It has never been like this before. Is it me, is it Santa Fe, or is it some combination of the two?
Tonight, six women gather, each with their own fascinating story to tell. And they are all great stories, of women navigating families, work and life, all on a quest for something with deeper meaning. One has sold a business and written a book; another is developing a healing retreat. Some are lost, some are found, at least for the moment.
We chat. We eat. We regard each other and smile. Serendipity is at work, and we all recognize it with deep gratitude.
We part, looking forward to our next get together.
More Reading on Serendipity and Life Lessons From the Road:
It is my finale of Restaurant Week and art, flavor and elegance combine for a wonderful dining experience at Restaurant Martin.
Each dish is a still life. One almost hesitates to dive in.
Almost.
From the description of the dish on the menu, to the presentation at the table, Restaurant Martin dazzles.
If there is one word that captures the dining experience at Restaurant Martin it is passion. Passion for cooking, passion for the integrity of ingredients and passion for life. For life and food are inextricably intertwined in this adobe restaurant on the corner of Galisteo and Paseo de Peralta.
Art and a simple, clean decor welcome the diner at Restaurant Martin
Chef Martin attended the Culinary Institute of America and spent time in France. His quest for knowledge and inspiration is global and it’s reflected in his food.
Restaurant Martin opened in 2009 after the chef did stints in Europe and then in some of the best known restaurants in town: Geronimo’s, Inn of The Anasazi, and The Old House Restaurant. His work has been nominated for numerous awards including the prestigious James Beard Award.
Restaurant Martin resides in an old adobe house, updated, with simple white walls hung with art. There is also a bar should you have to wait a bit or should you be traveling solo. They even offer blonde Lillet, one of my all time favorite aperitifs from Podensac. Eighty five percent of the wines that make Lillet are from Bordeaux (Semillon for the Lillet Blanc and Merlot and rose for the red version of the wine). The remainder are citrus liqueurs (sweet orange peels from Spain and Morocco) and bitter green orange peels from Haiti. The combination is aged like a Bordeaux wine, in oak vats. With a bit of lemon peel, it is a perfect way to start a meal. This attention to quality and detail are everywhere.
Restaurant Martin’s clean lines beckon from the Paseo de Peralta
For Restaurant Week, here is Restaurant Martin’s menu:
Dinner Menu
$45 per person
Appetizer
Caesar Salad — Hearts of Romaine, Lemon-Anchovy Dressing Shaved Pecorino Cheese, Sourdough Crisp
Carmelized Apple Mille Feuille is a feast for the eyes as well as gastronomic soul
Molten Bittersweet Chocolate Cake steals the show
Of all the restaurants I was fortunate enough to visit this week, this was the standout.
Outside of Restaurant Week, if dinner seems a bit pricey, consider brunch or lunch. During good weather, patio dining offers the perfect opportunity to sample some of this amazing food en pleine air. Bring your iPhone, if not your paint brushes, because you will be inspired.
From Restaurant Martin’s website, meet the owners and get a behind the scenes glimpse of this much loved Santa Fe restaurant:
So it is that Restaurant Week comes to a close for another year.
Winter in Santa Fe is not crowded, and it can be cold and snowy. In my mind, it’s the perfect time to visit, to experience the magic of this adobe town nestled between two mountain ranges.
Good food knows no season, and I know no reason not to travel in winter.
Do put Restaurant Week in Santa Fe on your bucket list. I think you’ll be pleased you did.
(Restaurant week in Santa Fe is now past; but keep it in mind for your future travels. It’s a blast!)
Inspiration, joy & discovery through travel. Oh, did I mention with supposedly incurable cancer?
What's on your bucket list?
Thank you for stopping by!
CancerRoadTrip is about making lemonade out of lemons.
As you read my story, you may want to start at the beginning to "grok" how CancerRoadTrip came to be. You can click here to start at the end (which is actually the beginning) and read forward! The posts are chronological, with the most recent posts appearing on the front page.
One day, some years ago now, Walter and his friend Douglas Preston decided to trace Coronado’s explorations. Funded by a grant from the Smithsonian, these two men, a horse handler (of sorts), six horses, and a dog that later joined them, set off across a thousand miles of nearly uninhabited terrain in the American Southwest.
Kay Cordell Whittaker was a house wife with two children and a husband. Until her life changed dramatically when she met two two elder shamans from South America, Domano and Chea Hetaka.
The reviews of the book are stunning, as are the comments from some very prominent thought leaders:
